Nikolay Lakutin
Operational bachelorette party. Comedy. А play for 5 people
Lisa (cautiously, with a bit of restrained envy). Owners of factories, newspapers, steamships…
Xana (calmly). Girls, don't be too jealous. After all, I've managed to lie under the trunk in my life! I've been raped a couple of times. Don't think that everything is exactly right in my life! Nifiga!
Damira (to Ksane, with condolences, with interest). Oh, shit! How? For what? Why?
Xana (calmly). Where there is a lot of money, there is usually a lot of dirt. Moreover, this dirt often seeps in from the outside. To remain a clean, honest and decent person, being in the system is almost impossible… if you understand what I'm talking about.
Lisa nods with understanding, the other girls can be seen that they do not understand, but they try not to show it.
Xana (calmly, Bele). Yes, Squirrel, you're right. Money and connections are a trailer from her husband. In circles, I talked about what to hide – not easy. Privileged!
Angelina (impatiently, Xane). So, what happened? Why aren't you with him now? Not with this diplomat?
Xana (calmly, to Angelina). That's life…
Xana takes a few steps somewhere to the side, it is clear that she is now thinking about the past, remembering, partly sad.
The girls do not climb, do not interrupt, wait for the continuation.
Xana (calmly, everyone). My diplomat flew – flew to different countries… Well, I got there. His son was born in America. Not from me, of course. I, in general, took his confession normally. She also did not sit at the window in the kruchina, waiting for the faithful. Of course, I walked. Yes, and he, of course, guessed. Perhaps he even knew for sure. There was no scandal. We took out vintage wine, sat down by the fireplace and began to think about how we could play this whole thing competently. In the same place, they do not encourage divorce. A diplomat should be an example.
Bela (surprised, Xane). Yeah?
Xana (calmly). An elementary fine for speeding is already stuck! And divorce is not discussed at all. But, fortunately, this did not become a problem for us. I'm still officially married to my diplomat, and even, I'll tell you a secret, we sometimes… it's…
Lisa, Damira and Angelina smile with understanding of the situation. Bela doesn't understand.
Bela (with interest, Xane). What?
Xana (evasively, Bele). Intersect, in general.
Bela (as if understanding). Oh, yeah, yeah. Things are still common. It is clear how not to overlap.
Xana (evasively, Bele). Yes, yes.
Lisa (with understanding, Xane). Well, that is, you are officially married, but in fact you are free. With money, good-looking, with the remnants of connections… Che, it's fine!
Xana (not agreeing with everything). Well....
Lisa (with understanding, Xane, interrupting). And what was, was! Let it stay there, in the past. God grant that further without excesses.
Damira (to everyone, positively). I think it's a toast!
The girls sort out the glasses, pour themselves what they want. Clink glasses.
All in chorus (emotionally, brightly, clinking glasses). The past is in the past! To a successful present and a wonderful future!
The girls shout "Hurrah", squeal, give out an emotional cascade, who can. They drink (a little).
Marat's pleasant velvety voice is heard.
Marat's voice (in the recording). Girls, hello everyone. I'm not looking, don't worry. Ksanochka, can I talk to you for a minute?
The girls look at each other admiringly, appreciating Marat, (as if they see him somewhere in the direction of the exit from the sauna).
Xana gracefully walks towards Marat, disappears around the corner.
The audience does not see Marat, in fact there is no Marat at all, the conversation between Marat and Xana can go on in the recording. But Marat's girls seem to see how he sees them. They unwittingly try to get into the eyes of this Marat, each tries to show herself, as a woman tries to show herself to a man she likes. Who knows how, he flaunts while there is a conversation between Marat and Xana.
Marat's voice (in the recording). Hello, honey. How are you doing here? Everything okay? Complaints, complaints, wishes?
Xana's voice (can also be recorded). Maraaaatik, you've arrived. How great, it's good to see you.
Marat's voice (in the recording). Yes, I dropped by for a minute. It's been so long since we've seen each other. I think at least with one eye.
Xana's voice (can also be recorded). Yes, keep your eyes open! Look at the twins I have now! Who does not know, will not distinguish at all from their own.
Marat's voice (in the recording). Listen, yeah… And what did you decide? You had those gorgeous ones too!
Xana's voice (can also be recorded). And I wanted something… Listen, I'm with the girls right now, but… then maybe we can… m? How are you?
Marat's voice (in the recording). Not today. The children need to be taken to their mother-in-law, some issues need to be resolved at work, in the evening we have dinner with my wife in a restaurant. At night, of course, I won't lose my temper, not those years.
Xana's voice (can also be recorded). Oh, laaadnoooo. The most juice!
Marat's voice (in the recording). Come on, next week I'll screw you up, and if the offer is valid, we'll come up with something.
Xana's voice (can also be recorded). Well ..... wait a week ....
Marat's voice (in the recording). Xanchik… Please don't poison my soul. You know perfectly well how I feel about you. But… you understand everything.
Xana's voice (can also be recorded). Come on, come on. Next week, so next week. By the way, thank you so much for arranging everything so well for us.
A resounding kiss is heard.
Marat's voice (in the recording). And that's not all! I've prepared a surprise for your girls. Didn't you say you were having a bachelorette party here? There are five of you, right?
Xana's voice (can also be recorded). Well, yeah.
Marat's voice (in the recording). Well. I hope you like it! (Cheerfully, in a different tone.) Come on, guys!
Cheerful male voices are heard.
The voices of men (in the recording, cheerful, zealous). Well, what about the girls! Let's have a good time!!!!
An enthusiastic Xana runs in.
The girls, seeing the invasion of the coming guys (the guys are seen only by actresses, in fact they are not at all), squeal enthusiastically.
Loud rhythmic music sounds, there is a sharp blackout. Total darkness.
Screeching, playful shouting, some kind of chatter. Fuss. Passion.
The music sounds a little more and ends.
Scene 2. Oh, good – not good
Sauna. A few hours later.
A sad and entertaining musical composition sounds softly.
The light turns on smoothly, the girls literally crawl out from where. All disheveled, all disheveled, the order of "delayed".
Angelina and Damira on all fours with shaking legs crawl out from different sides. They blow their hair off their faces, groan, moan.
Damira (in a tired, shaking voice). Oo-oo-oo-oo.
Sighs, looks at Angelina, Angelina looks at Damira with the same tired–emotional look.
Damira is unable to explain herself verbally, shows with gestures and periodic grunts, ahs and oohs the essence of her explanation. And the explanation that she outlines with gestures to Angelina is about this content:
– Wow, that shook me up. Have you seen what a guy is? Like he did me… And how am I his… In general, girlfriend, it was something.
Angelina understands everything (it is necessary that the viewer also roughly understands), nods, explains her experience to Damira in response. She shows with her hands the size of "her gift" from Marat, enthusiastically o-go-go, e-ge-geik, sighs, shakes her head in surprise, is surprised at herself.
From the aisle under the proscenium (from the front rows), Bela rises from the floor, accompanying her deflection in the back with a zealous throat cry.
Bela (getting up from the aisle and bending her back). Whooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Mother of God, how can I a-dry-ta-carcasses!!! And dri-ta-dri–ta-ta!
Bela still does not see anyone around her. Looking for friends.
Bela (in a broken voice). Girls, do we still have mineral water left? My mouth feels so disgusting, like it's there… I do not know what happened.
Angelina (playfully, with cunning, White). But I know what you've been there! (Tells Damira.) My large-caliber "gift" and I go into the recreation room, and there's already a Squirrel with his own. What kind of findibobbers she was twirling for him, even I don't know how to do that! I've looked everywhere. It looks like a ladybug, but in fact there's something…
Bela (wearily and reluctantly crawling onto the stage from the aisle, Damira and Angelina). Oh, come on… Found something to discuss. Well, she broke, yes! Everything I've wanted to try for a long time – I tried it. I understand that I will probably never meet this guy again. Why be modest?.. if that's the case.
Lisa (brings in a glass of mineral water, walks crookedly, staggers on her feet, sometimes stumbles, turns to Bela). There is mineral water, there is. Here you go, prude.
Bela accepts, rinses her mouth, looks for a place to spit, does not find, swallows.
Bela (to Lisa, reluctantly swallowing). Thanks.
The girls are shivering.
The same disheveled, but happy Xana enters.
Xana (positively). Well, girls? How did you have fun?
The girls groan contentedly, making it clear that everything is super.
Only Lisa steps aside, sits down, covers her face with her hands.
Lisa (disappointed in herself). Horror!
Xana defiles around the girls. Pours himself some alcoholic drink (a little), drinks, winces.
Lisa (disappointed in herself). Horror– horror-horror!!!
Damira and Angelina slowly get up, groan, stagger on their feet, get better.
Xana (positively, to Lisa). Yes, horror!
Lisa looks up at Xana.
Xana (positively, to Lisa). But not horror-horror-horror!
Lisa waves it away.
Xana (to Angelina, with interest). So, Gel! A question for you. Come on, tell me about your future hubby. What kind of event are you having with him? A sham marriage?
Angelina (frightened, dumbfounded, Xane). Cheert. You… How did you find out? I didn't tell anyone anything…
Xana (to Angelina, with interest). I got married myself, and I've seen many brides in my lifetime. You're not acting like a bride. There are a lot of nuances, but take at least the way you "spun" your tail in front of my Marat.
Angelina (excusing herself, Xane). All the skewers!
Xana (to Angelina, with interest). Yes, but not everyone goes out tomorrow… (Looks at the clock.) …Or even get married today. Yes, and with my "gift", I also saw how zealously you took up the case. Usually brides still have to be persuaded, like come on, for the last time… Honestly, I thought you'd refuse, I've already rolled out my lip for two gifts, with two it's like… wow! And you "by the beard" me… Yes, and not only on these points I realized, there are others. So what kind of scam are you planning there?
Angelina (sitting down, excitedly). Girls, just nobody, okay?
The girls nod approvingly, sit down who where.
Angelina (calmly, in a friendly way, to everyone). I was listening to Xana's story, and involuntarily compared it with my upcoming situation. It turns out that Ksyu is now like a wife, but at the same time she is free. Yes, and with money. But only with her (pointing to Xana) so life has already ordered it can be said in fact. And I received such an offer in advance. I had a choice, let's say, "on the shore."
A couple of months ago, Lee and I celebrated her birthday at a nightclub.
Lisa (with increased interest). So-so....?
Angelina (to Lisa, explaining). Remember when the guys got into a fight there?
Lisa (with increased interest). Well…, there was some kind of scuffle. A common thing for a nightclub. I don't remember the details.
Angelina (to Lisa, explaining). There was such a light-haired boy there, by the way, he was then the first to be "quilted". Even the ambulance came. Hard hit. So he came up to me then at the club, until it all started.
Lisa (with keen interest). When did someone approach you? We were together all the time, weren't we?
Angelina (to Lisa, explaining). You were leaving to powder your nose, he just came up at that moment. (Explaining to everyone.) We met. He left me his business card. I wanted to throw it away that same evening, but I forgot. And then I cleaned the bag – I found it. I remembered that the guy was pretty crushed. I decided to call and ask how he is alive and well at all.
Word for word, he offered to meet.
Lisa (unable to stand it, with resentment, interrupting). Gel, your division, honestly, I don't understand! We're friends with you! We all tell each other, why am I only finding out about all this now? It feels like I was simply not in your life for the period of these events. How so?
Angelina (to Lisa, explaining). Lee, dear, don't growl ahead of time. Listen to the end first, okay?
Lisa displeased folds her arms in a cross on her chest. Waiting.
Angelina (explaining to everyone). We met with him. The kid turned out to be funny. He is a "majorist". Parents demand from him adult steps and a serious attitude to life. They force him to marry so that he calms down, reins in… and all that. It got to the point that they began to slip brides to him.
Bela (with interest and incomprehension). I mean, how to slip?
Angelina (to Bela). Well, arranged dates.
Bela (with interest and incomprehension). Contractual?
Angelina (to Bela). The parents of this guy chose a bride for their son according to their taste, agreed with her parents and invited them to visit. It seems like just a feast, but everyone understands everything.
Bela (realizing what's what). A. So. And what about him?
Angelina (to everyone). And even though he's one of the rich sons, he's not a fool. He doesn't want to live with the person his parents chose for him. Prefers to choose for himself. But I just didn't look at anyone for the role of a wife. And time is ticking. His parents set him strict deadlines. "If you don't find it yourself, you'll marry the one we say."
Damira (surprised). Yeah, business…
Angelina (to everyone). And then there's this club, beatings, hospitalization.
Xana (to Angelina, with interest). Oh, was it that serious?
Angelina (Xane). Concussion, hematomas. A crack in the rib.
Xana (with understanding). Ndaaa…
Angelina (to everyone). It's all gone, because there was a fight two months ago. Well. Here the deadline is already approaching, and a decision must be made, but he has not found anyone. And then I called. Anyway, he asked me to marry him!
Bela (surprised). Oh! Just like that?
Angelina (to everyone). Yes, and urgently!
Damira (surprised). Wow!
Lisa (frowning at Angelina). And you agreed?
Angelina (to Lisa and everyone). He said that he would regularly pay me a nice commission for a passport stained with a stamp. If we can't get used to each other, we'll get divorced, and that's it. He offered to live as they had lived before, each by himself. But only demonstrations for parents and relatives need to be done from time to time. And so – complete freedom of action, plus money.
Lisa (waiting for the denouement, displeased, to Angelina). Well?
Angelina (to Lisa). Lee, it only happened a couple of days ago. It is clear that after the meeting we immediately went to him. It was necessary to understand which of us is worth what. And the next morning I called you and… and then you already know. These twin brothers did not come from God knows where. Then the girls over there fell on us. (He points to Xana, Bela and Damira.) There really wasn't time to tell, Lee! Don't get mad, okay?
Angelina comes up to Lisa, hugs her. Lisa "thaws", also hugs Angelina in response.
Xana (to Angelina, with interest and cunning). Geeel?
Angelina turns to Xana questioningly.
Xana (to Angelina, with interest and cunning). What if you fall in love with each other?
Lisa (with the support of the words of Xana, Angelina). Listen, oh, really! What then?
Angelina thinks, pauses, looks at the girls.
Angelina (thoughtfully, drawlingly). Well…, nothing good will come of it! I can't fall in love with him, that's what!
Damira (surprised). Why is that?
Angelina (cheerfully, through laughter). Yes, because if I love him anyway, then no one will pay me a commission!
Everyone laughs with a loud laugh.
Slowly calming down.
Xana (to Angelina, carefully). With money, he won't knock you over?
Bela (addressing Angelina, supporting Xana, as if she herself has a huge life experience). By the way, yes! Look, you can't take these guys' word for it!
Damira (carefully, to Angelina). Did you get a receipt from him? Or even better, an official document should be drawn up by a notary.
Angelina (Xana, Bela and Damire). Girls, it's okay, don't panic. I have already received an advance payment, and immediately several months in advance. Well, there… If he starts to cheat, I'm sorry – goodbye!
A small pause in the dialogues. The girls ponder, agree with Angelina's arguments.
Lisa (hugging her friend, with warmth, to Angelina). Well, so you're already a wife without five minutes!
Angelina (proudly, affectedly). Yes!
Lisa (hugging her friend, with warmth, to Angelina). Congratulations!
Damira (to everyone, positively). I think this is another toast! Pour it quickly, you just need to drink for it!
Girls pour, clink glasses, drink.
Angelina looks at her watch, starts fussing.
Angelina (fussily). Girls, I'm sorry, but I have a fitting early in the morning. This one is mine… betrothed, agreed with some cool wedding salon. A master will come there directly to them to fit them, hem them, or vice versa, he can dissolve them somewhere. In general, I would like at least a few hours to have time to take a nap before all this fuss. So please forgive me – I'm leaving!
Lisa (to Angelina, leaving her glass). Wait, I'm with you.
