Nikolay Lakutin
Operational bachelorette party. Comedy. А play for 5 people
Scene 4. Debriefing 2
In Aunt Bela's apartment.
Angelina strokes her fifth point, glances at Bela with displeasure.
Bela (excusing herself). Come on, you know, stop looking at me like that.
Angelina (displeased). And how should I not look at you? My ass, whatever you say, has suffered!
Bela (justifying herself). And… and it's not my fault. So it all turned out somehow.
Angelina (displeased). It turned out fine. First she knocked me down with her friends, then she also stuffed me up to the most don't mess around. And now she has, you see, it turned out that way.
Bela (excusing herself). Come on, praaaaaaaaaaa. Come on, everyone. Forgot – passed. It's here, you know. There was no time to understand the nuances. It's either you or you. The law of the stone jungle, as they say. Brawl, all business. Besides, I've already apologized ten times.
Angelina (displeased). But your ten apologies don't make my ass any easier.
Bela (excusing herself). Well, what has started? We've already made up. We met. I invited you to my place, which, mind you, has never happened to me before! A cup of coffee for the world has already been knocked over with you, and you're still buzzing. And in general, whoever remembers the old, that's out of sight!
Angelina (displeased). And who forgets – that's two!
Bela (with a delicate touch). Gel?
Angelina (displeased). What?
Bela (in a friendly way). I'm going to hang you now, so that you don't have to endure these reprimands for nothing!
Angelina (after thinking for a few seconds, positively). And, really, what am I. Well, it was and it was. Big deal… huh… That's another problem for me. Yes, on this nice ass… (Pointing to his ass.) It hasn't arrived like this yet! It's okay, I'm not mad at you. Thank you for inviting me to your place, and special thanks for the coffee. It was delicious.
Bela (in a friendly way). Really? Maybe more?
Angelina (frightened, extremely unwilling yet). No!
Angelina quickly realizes that she expressed herself too sincerely and gave out the true attitude. Continues to evasively smooth out the corners.
Angelina (evasively). I.... simply. I don't really like coffee. So, sometimes, a mug, in good company.
Bela (with understanding). Mm…
Angelina (in a friendly way, looking around the room). It's cozy here with you.
Bela (modestly). Thanks. But this is not my apartment. My aunt flew to Thailand for two weeks, asked me to look after her. (Shows the keys to the apartment.) He's already arriving tonight. So, since we were right next to each other, at the same time we went to check how everything is here, and we indulged in coffee. I was going to look in here today anyway.
Angelina (in a friendly way, looking around the room). Clear.
They are silent. The awkward pause drags on.
Angelina (in a friendly way). And I'm getting married tomorrow.
Bela (in amazement). What are you? Seriously?
Angelina nods her head affirmatively.
Bela (in amazement). Uhhh, youyyyy. Great. And who is he? How is it all there at all… tell.
Angelina (not too willing to go into details). Yes, mmmm… Not just everything. In general, tomorrow I will become a wife.
Bela (in amazement). Wow! Congratulations!
Angelina nods back, not too happily.
Angelina (avoiding the details). Aren't you married yourself?
Bela (on emotion). Me? Yes, what are you? No, of course not.
Angelina (with understanding). Well yes… Well, yes …
Bela (going to share the frank). Everything is complicated for me. The guy was. Threw. I'm alone now. Upset, stressed, sad…
Angelina (not too willing to listen). I see. Things happen. Listen up! And where are our friends? Let's call them, shall we?
Bela (catching herself). Yes, that's right.
The girls start looking for their phones.
Angelina quickly finds, pulls out, tries to call, dial, do something, sadly summarizes the state of affairs.
Angelina (sadly). Heck. My phone is dead.
Bela (trying to find her phone, but already realizing that she won't find it). My situation will be even worse. I think I've lost my phone.
Angelina (sympathetically). How? Where?
Bela (judiciously). Mm..... Presumably, this loss happened through your prayers. While I was handing out the feed, as you can see. Bounced, apparently, this and that. Somewhere, probably, he fell out there.
Angelina (sympathetically). So they ran to look for it quickly, before someone else found it!
Bela (cheerfully). Let's run!
Musical accompaniment.
The girls run away in search of a phone.
ZTM.
Scene 5. News is so news!
Street.
The music keeps playing.
The light turns on smoothly.
Lisa, Xana and Damira walk on different sides, looking for friends.
They look at each other, shrug their shoulders, search further, disperse.
Come and go. They come, look at each other, go to look again.
The music stops and ends.
Lisa runs out excited. The hand is raised, Bela's mobile phone defiantly flaunts in her hand.
Lisa (to the girls). Girls, come here. I found something!
Lisa, Damira and Xana all run together in a bunch.
Lisa (to the girls). Look, I found the phone. But it's not Gelin, exactly. Maybe it's Bela's phone?
Damira and Xana exchange glances.
Xana takes the phone from Lisa. He begins to rummage around in it, looking for something.
Xana (to Lisa). You see, Lisa…
Lisa (interrupts). is it possible.
Xana (to Lisa). Yes. Lee, you see what's the matter. We have known Bela not so long ago.
Damira (to Lisa). I met Squirrel about an hour before we ran into each other.
Xana (to Lisa, looking for something in Bela's phone). And I wasn't much earlier. But nothing, fortunately, the phone without a password. We will understand now by correspondence. Belkin's pipe or not.
Xana searches for information, flips through tabs. All three of them carefully study the correspondence on the phone.
Damira (looking at the phone). So, well, not much. No correspondence with the guy. But she had some kind of Kostya, it seems…
Xana (flipping through correspondence). Stasik, she was talking.
Damira (looking at the phone). Exactly.
Xana (leafing through the correspondence). Well, they've got everything stalled there. It is clear – she could have deleted the correspondence with him. Well, with the other guys here… No dialogs at all. Correspondence with mom. Messages from the bank, from hypermarkets mailing lists… Some more nonsense.
Lisa (looking at the phone). Well… judging by the theme of the design, this is a female phone, and if a little more specifically, this is a phone of some kind of zamukhryshki.
Damira and Xana (chorus). It's her anyway!
Bela and Angelina run out, see their friends.
Bela and Angelina (chorus). Girls, finally.
The trio turns to the voices of Bela and Angelina, they rejoice at the meeting.
Lisa (to Bela). I found your phone! Isn't that yours?
Bela runs up, picks up the phone, rejoices. Hugs Lisa.
Bela (to Lisa, hugging her). My, thank you.
Lisa discreetly responds with mutual affection.
Bela runs up to "her" girls.
Friends rejoice, embrace the original compositions.
Bela, Damira and Xana hug separately. Lisa and Angelina hug separately.
Lisa (to everyone, examining the girls). Well, are everyone alive, are everyone more or less healthy?
Bela, Damira, Angelina, Xana (chorus, vying). Yes. Normal. More or less. Will go.
Xana (Damire and Bela). Lisa and I talked here. A normal girl, by the way. It's strange that we didn't find a common language right away.
Angelina (to everyone). Yes, Squirrel and I also became friends.
Bela nods, smiles warmly.
Xana (to everyone). Well, then what? Then let's be friends, shall we?
Lisa (first extending her hand among the girls, palm down). Give me all your stumps!
The girls take turns putting their palms on top, one on one. Xana puts her hand on Lisa's hand, Angelina puts her hand on Xana's hand, Bela puts her hand on Angelina's hand, Damira puts her hand on Bela's hand.
All the girls (in chorus, on the count of three throwing up a "bunch of hands"). Peace! Peace! Peace!
They throw up their hands, open the "manual" merge.
Angelina (to everyone). So, well, then I suggest we exchange all the numbers. We will call up, write off. In a cafe, maybe when we get together, we can chat!
Damira (supporting). Yes, that's a great idea!
The girls come together in a bunch. They are vying to dictate their numbers and names, write down phone numbers in their smartphones.
Bela (casually, to everyone). And Gelya is getting married tomorrow!
There is an awkward pause. All the girls look first at Bela, then at Angelina.
Lisa (to Angelina, indignantly). What? And I'm just finding out about it like this now?
Xana (surprised). Oh-pa-pa…
Angelina (to Lisa). Yes, I was going to tell you about it. It's just that at first I met these twins, my thoughts got confused, then you and I rolled over, and then I just opened my mouth, I wanted to tell you how we were… (Pointing to Damira, Xana and Bela.) The girls out, they swooped. Well, that's it. I couldn't tell you.
Xana (busily, with interest, to Angelina). Well, now you can tell everyone. So what? Is there really a wedding tomorrow?
Angelina (to everyone, timidly, uncertainly). Well… sort of… yeah.
Damira and Xana (chorus). Congratulations!
Angelina (embarrassed). Thanks.
Lisa (to Angelina, displeased). Congratulations, friend.
Angelina (apologetically to Lisa). Thanks.
Bela (modestly). Well, I already have… I congratulated him.
Xana (busily, with interest, to Angelina). Cool. Well, what about the bachelorette party? Where? When will it take place? We're in business, if you don't mind!
Angelina (confused). Bachelorette party? And.. I.... Yes… well, nowhere. I, honestly, even somehow on this topic …
Xana (interrupting Angelina). Yes, what are you!!!!! It's a tradition! Holy primordial tradition! This cannot be violated. It will not work to beg for this!
Damira and Bela agree with Xana. Lisa shrugs her shoulders.
Xana (busily, to everyone). So! So, no one is planning anything for tonight! Let's carouse!
Lisa (to Xane). I don't mind in principle, but we need to decide on the place, the menu.
Angelina (confused). How much do we discount?
Xana (busily, to everyone). Don't "worry"! I'll decide everything now!
Xana pulls out her cell phone. Calling someone.
The girls exchange glances. For everyone, this is a surprise and uncertainty.
Xana (into the phone). Hello? Maratik? Hello, darling. Missed you? Me too. Marat, tell me, do you have any saunas available for the evening? For today, yes. Yes? Which ones? In what area? Yeah. Well, it's fine. All. Hammer it under me. I'm coming with my friends. We have a bachelorette party… (Listens to the phone.) No, not me. I'll tell you everything later. And arrange the table there to your taste, okay? Will you do it for me? Excellent. I can give you the money now, just tell me how much you need. (He listens to the phone.) A gift? Seriously? Maratik, I adore you! You're just the best! Well, that's it, see you tonight then. I'll come, hug and kiss you! Even if your wife and children are standing next to you! This is my condition! (Smiles.) Thank you, dear. We'll be there by eight.
Xana puts down the phone, smiles warmly, looks at the girls.
Xana (to everyone, happily). That's it! Maratik organizes everything for us. Girls – it will be cool. Sauna on Kutuzovsky. You know? I'll send the address to everyone, I have your contacts now. They're waiting for us at eight! Refusals are not accepted! Let's say goodbye to the free life of our friend Geli!
Music!
Everyone is hugging Angelina!
ZTM.
The end of the first act.
Action 2
Scene 1. Bachelorette party.
Sauna. There are bath benches, a richly laid table. A large selection of alcohol. To drink, to have a snack – everything is in abundance.
A "hot" bright musical composition sounds.
Girls, some in towels, some in swimsuits, dancing to the hot rhythms of a musical composition, run out from different sides tired, but happy. They run to the shops, shouting.
Damira (fervently, annealing in the dance). Bela and Angelina scream, scream
, dance, but in the dance they run to the benches, fall on them, "dry out".
Xana and Lisa, laughing and having fun, go out together. They dance a little, finish discussing something violently.
The music ends.
Damira rushes to Lisa and Xana. Hugs them.
Damira (to Lisa and Xana, happy, emotional). Girls! How cool it is for me to be with you! I haven't annealed like this in years.... (Thinks.) I've never had such a great time at all. Mmmmmm, how healthy you are.
Damira turns to Bela and Angelina.
Damira (to Bela and Angelina, emotionally, joyfully). Squirrel, Gel, come quickly here to us, I want to hug you too! I love everyone, I adore everyone!!!
Bela and Angelina (wearily, in chorus). Noooo.
Angelina (wearily). Soryan, Damka, but after the steam room I need to be soldered with live water. The squirrel is generally crazy. Throws and throws. I grew up in the private sector, I know the bathhouse firsthand. But this bitch… (Pointing to Bela.) It just doesn't melt at all. Terminator, holy shit. Where did you get so much patience from? In appearance, a sucker is a sucker, and there is a strong rod inside!
The girls laugh.
Bela (wearily, displeased, to Angelina). Eeeeeee! You cheeeeeeeeeee! I'm not a sucker!
Xana (to Bela, reassuring). Squirrel, what are you? Don't take it seriously. Are you still not used to Geli's style of communication? She doesn't say that out of spite. You're not a sucker at all. They just stupidly envy you that you turned out to be stronger in endurance, that's all.
Angelina (wearily). Am I jealous? Yes, I'm jealous. And what is she like over there… And I'm out… and.... and, in general, I'm not going to hug. At least not right now.
Damira (to Bela and Angelina, emotionally, joyfully). Well, then I'll come to you myself now.
Bela and Angelina (tired, dissatisfied, chorus, exhaling). Aaaaaa.
Damira runs up to Bela and Angelina, hugs them, rejoices, but the girls do not share the joy too much, they would like to rest.
Damira, seeing no reciprocity, cautiously steps aside.
Lisa (to Angelina, encouraging). And about the life-giving water… They've prepared a whole arsenal for us here. (Lisa waves her hand around the table.) Whatever your heart desires. What should I pour you, Gel? Vodka? Cognac? Wine? (Peering at what is on the table.) I see some cocktails here, there are…
Angelina (tiredly, to Lisa). Is there a simple mineral water?
Lisa (taking mineral water from a pile of bottles). Greece has everything.
Angelina (tiredly, to Lisa). Li, not in the trash, splash the pezhe....
Lisa (pouring mineral water into a glass). Not a question at all!
Serves mineral water to Angelina. She gratefully accepts, greedily drinks.
Bela (to Lisa, asking). Can I?
Lisa nods approvingly.
Angelina chokes, pours mineral water, trying to vent her indignation.
Angelina (defiantly, to Lisa, pointing to Bela). Don't pour it for her! She's already peppy. She will pour herself without any problems.
Bela (to Angelina, skeptically). Is that why you don't like me so much?
Angelina (displeased, looking at her new friends, pointing to Bela). She's still asking!!! Girls, you know that this sweet girl crucified the whole rear bumper for me while you were there quietly and peacefully in a trance!
Lisa (smoothing out the corners). Gel, well, really. They've already forgotten. What are you doing?
Angelina (discontentedly, emotionally). I'm trying to forget! It doesn't work!!!
Bela (to Angelina, skeptically). I can help!
Angelina (nervously). No need! (In one fell swoop, "changing his shoes", beckoning Damira to him) Missis, you're my beauty. Come quickly, I'll hug you, my girl.
Damira approaches, embraces Angelina.
Lisa pours mineral water into a free glass, serves it to Bela. Bela accepts with gratitude, drinks.
Lisa (with interest, Xane). Ksyu, tell me about yourself. Who are you? What are you doing? It can be seen that you have money, and they make you such generous gifts. (Lisa waves her hand around the table, the sauna in general.) For what such merits? A..m.... if it's not a secret, of course.
Damira (Xane). Yes, I'm interested too!
Bela (Xane). And me!
Angelina (playfully, with cunning). And what kind of Maraaaatic?
Xana (to Angelina, with playful reproach). You rest there… Married without five minutes, and there … (Mimics.) Maaaaaraaaatik.
Lisa (with interest, Xane). No, well, really? It's interesting. What is all this for, and… well, how is it at all… Are you with him… (Gestures the contact between a man and a woman.) Yes?
Xana (Lisa). Oh, noooo. Well, yes, but no. Well, I mean, it's not because of that. What we used to have with him is not in business at all.
Bela, Damira, Angelina (Xane, chorus). Well, tell me!
Xana smiles slyly. It is clear that she agrees.
The girls are happy, they sit down somewhere in anticipation of the story.
Xana pours herself a drink, sips a little, holds an intriguing pause, looks around the girls with a sly look and begins her story.
Xana (narrating). I am, in the recent past, the wife of a diplomat.
Lisa (with interest, Xane). Oh, how…
Xana (complacently). Yeah, my husband and I were lucky.
Damira, Angelina and Bela are listening enviously.
Xana (calmly). The diplomat is my man with a head. Well, yes…, however, they don't take others there. He received, and still receives, a good salary. In addition, he launched several franchises. I, of course, did not make out for myself. Part of the business is on me, part is on his indirect relatives. Whatever you say, girls, it's extremely short-sighted to stand on one leg. Especially if you have a family.
Damira (Xane). Anyway, these are the words of your diplomat.
Xana (calmly). I won't lie to him, but I fully subscribe to these words.
Bela (enviously, Xane). So that's where you got so much money and connections from.
