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полная версияDepartmental Ditties and Barrack Room Ballads

Редьярд Джозеф Киплинг
Departmental Ditties and Barrack Room Ballads

THE UNDERTAKER’S HORSE

 
  “To-tschin-shu is condemned to death.
  How can he drink tea with the Executioner?”
   Japanese Proverb.
 
 
  The eldest son bestrides him,
  And the pretty daughter rides him,
  And I meet him oft o’ mornings on the Course;
  And there kindles in my bosom
  An emotion chill and gruesome
  As I canter past the Undertaker’s Horse.
 
 
  Neither shies he nor is restive,
  But a hideously suggestive
  Trot, professional and placid, he affects;
  And the cadence of his hoof-beats
  To my mind this grim reproof beats: —
  “Mend your pace, my friend, I’m coming. Who’s the next?”
 
 
  Ah! stud-bred of ill-omen,
  I have watched the strongest go – men
  Of pith and might and muscle – at your heels,
  Down the plantain-bordered highway,
  (Heaven send it ne’er be my way!)
  In a lacquered box and jetty upon wheels.
 
 
  Answer, sombre beast and dreary,
  Where is Brown, the young, the cheery,
  Smith, the pride of all his friends and half the Force?
  You were at that last dread dak
  We must cover at a walk,
  Bring them back to me, O Undertaker’s Horse!
 
 
  With your mane unhogged and flowing,
  And your curious way of going,
  And that businesslike black crimping of your tail,
  E’en with Beauty on your back, Sir,
  Pacing as a lady’s hack, Sir,
  What wonder when I meet you I turn pale?
 
 
  It may be you wait your time, Beast,
  Till I write my last bad rhyme, Beast —
  Quit the sunlight, cut the rhyming, drop the glass —
  Follow after with the others,
  Where some dusky heathen smothers
  Us with marigolds in lieu of English grass.
 
 
  Or, perchance, in years to follow,
  I shall watch your plump sides hollow,
  See Carnifex (gone lame) become a corse —
  See old age at last o’erpower you,
  And the Station Pack devour you,
  I shall chuckle then, O Undertaker’s Horse!
 
 
  But to insult, jibe, and quest, I’ve
  Still the hideously suggestive
  Trot that hammers out the unrelenting text,
  And I hear it hard behind me
  In what place soe’er I find me: —
  “‘Sure to catch you sooner or later. Who’s the next?”
 

THE FALL OF JOCK GILLESPIE

 
  This fell when dinner-time was done —
    ‘Twixt the first an’ the second rub —
  That oor mon Jock cam’ hame again
    To his rooms ahist the Club.
 
 
  An’ syne he laughed, an’ syne he sang,
    An’ syne we thocht him fou,
  An’ syne he trumped his partner’s trick,
    An’ garred his partner rue.
 
 
  Then up and spake an elder mon,
    That held the Spade its Ace —
  “God save the lad! Whence comes the licht
    “That wimples on his face?”
 
 
  An’ Jock he sniggered, an’ Jock he smiled,
    An’ ower the card-brim wunk: —
  “I’m a’ too fresh fra’ the stirrup-peg,
    “May be that I am drunk.”
 
 
  “There’s whusky brewed in Galashils
    “An’ L. L. L. forbye;
  “But never liquor lit the lowe
    “That keeks fra’ oot your eye.
 
 
  “There’s a third o’ hair on your dress-coat breast,
    “Aboon the heart a wee?”
   “Oh! that is fra’ the lang-haired Skye
    “That slobbers ower me.”
 
 
  “Oh! lang-haired Skyes are lovin’ beasts,
    “An’ terrier dogs are fair,
  “But never yet was terrier born,
    “Wi’ ell-lang gowden hair!
 
 
  “There’s a smirch o’ pouther on your breast,
    “Below the left lappel?”
   “Oh! that is fra’ my auld cigar,
    “Whenas the stump-end fell.”
 
 
  “Mon Jock, ye smoke the Trichi coarse,
    “For ye are short o’ cash,
  “An’ best Havanas couldna leave
    “Sae white an’ pure an ash.
 
 
  “This nicht ye stopped a story braid,
    “An’ stopped it wi’ a curse.
  “Last nicht ye told that tale yoursel’ —
    “An’ capped it wi’ a worse!
 
 
  “Oh! we’re no fou! Oh! we’re no fou!
    “But plainly we can ken
  “Ye’re fallin’, fallin’ fra the band
    “O’ cantie single men!”
 
 
  An’ it fell when sirris-shaws were sere,
    An’ the nichts were lang and mirk,
  In braw new breeks, wi’ a gowden ring,
    Oor Jock gaed to the Kirk!
 

ARITHMETIC ON THE FRONTIER

 
  A great and glorious thing it is
    To learn, for seven years or so,
  The Lord knows what of that and this,
    Ere reckoned fit to face the foe —
  The flying bullet down the Pass,
  That whistles clear: “All flesh is grass.”
 
 
  Three hundred pounds per annum spent
    On making brain and body meeter
  For all the murderous intent
    Comprised in “villainous saltpetre!”
   And after – ask the Yusufzaies
  What comes of all our ‘ologies.
 
 
  A scrimmage in a Border Station —
    A canter down some dark defile —
  Two thousand pounds of education
    Drops to a ten-rupee jezail —
  The Crammer’s boast, the Squadron’s pride,
  Shot like a rabbit in a ride!
 
 
  No proposition Euclid wrote,
    No formulae the text-books know,
  Will turn the bullet from your coat,
    Or ward the tulwar’s downward blow
  Strike hard who cares – shoot straight who can —
  The odds are on the cheaper man.
 
 
  One sword-knot stolen from the camp
    Will pay for all the school expenses
  Of any Kurrum Valley scamp
    Who knows no word of moods and tenses,
  But, being blessed with perfect sight,
  Picks off our messmates left and right.
 
 
  With home-bred hordes the hillsides teem,
    The troop-ships bring us one by one,
  At vast expense of time and steam,
    To slay Afridis where they run.
 
 
  The “captives of our bow and spear”
   Are cheap – alas! as we are dear.
 

THE BETROTHED

“You must choose between me and your cigar.”

– BREACH OF PROMISE CASE, CIRCA 1885.

 
  Open the old cigar-box, get me a Cuba stout,
  For things are running crossways, and Maggie and I are out.
 
 
  We quarrelled about Havanas – we fought o’er a good cheroot,
  And I knew she is exacting, and she says I am a brute.
 
 
  Open the old cigar-box – let me consider a space;
  In the soft blue veil of the vapour musing on Maggie’s face.
 
 
  Maggie is pretty to look at – Maggie’s a loving lass,
  But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest of loves must pass.
 
 
  There’s peace in a Larranaga, there’s calm in a Henry Clay;
  But the best cigar in an hour is finished and thrown away —
 
 
  Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe and brown —
  But I could not throw away Maggie for fear o’ the talk o’ the town!
 
 
  Maggie, my wife at fifty – grey and dour and old —
  With never another Maggie to purchase for love or gold!
 
 
  And the light of Days that have Been the dark of the Days that Are,
  And Love’s torch stinking and stale, like the butt of a dead cigar —
 
 
  The butt of a dead cigar you are bound to keep in your pocket —
  With never a new one to light tho’ it’s charred and black to the socket!
 
 
  Open the old cigar-box – let me consider a while.
  Here is a mild Manila – there is a wifely smile.
 
 
  Which is the better portion – bondage bought with a ring,
  Or a harem of dusky beauties, fifty tied in a string?
 
 
  Counsellors cunning and silent – comforters true and tried,
  And never a one of the fifty to sneer at a rival bride?
 
 
  Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes,
  Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close,
 
 
  This will the fifty give me, asking nought in return,
  With only a Suttee’s passion – to do their duty and burn.
 
 
  This will the fifty give me. When they are spent and dead,
  Five times other fifties shall be my servants instead.
 
 
  The furrows of far-off Java, the isles of the Spanish Main,
  When they hear my harem is empty will send me my brides again.
 
 
  I will take no heed to their raiment, nor food for their mouths withal,
  So long as the gulls are nesting, so long as the showers fall.
 
 
  I will scent ‘em with best vanilla, with tea will I temper their hides,
  And the Moor and the Mormon shall envy who read of the tale of my brides.
 
 
  For Maggie has written a letter to give me my choice between
  The wee little whimpering Love and the great god Nick o’ Teen.
 
 
  And I have been servant of Love for barely a twelvemonth clear,
  But I have been Priest of Cabanas a matter of seven year;
 
 
  And the gloom of my bachelor days is flecked with the cheery light
  Of stumps that I burned to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight.
 
 
  And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie and I must prove,
  But the only light on the marshes is the Will-o’-the-Wisp of Love.
 
 
  Will it see me safe through my journey or leave me bogged in the mire?
  Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I follow the fitful fire?
 
 
  Open the old cigar-box – let me consider anew —
  Old friends, and who is Maggie that I should abandon you?
 
 
  A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;
  And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.
 
 
  Light me another Cuba – I hold to my first-sworn vows.
  If Maggie will have no rival, I’ll have no Maggie for Spouse!
 

A TALE OF TWO CITIES

 
  Where the sober-colored cultivator smiles
      On his byles;
  Where the cholera, the cyclone, and the crow
      Come and go;
  Where the merchant deals in indigo and tea,
      Hides and ghi;
  Where the Babu drops inflammatory hints
      In his prints;
  Stands a City – Charnock chose it – packed away
      Near a Bay —
  By the Sewage rendered fetid, by the sewer
      Made impure,
  By the Sunderbunds unwholesome, by the swamp
      Moist and damp;
  And the City and the Viceroy, as we see,
      Don’t agree.
 
 
  Once, two hundred years ago, the trader came
      Meek and tame.
 
 
  Where his timid foot first halted, there he stayed,
      Till mere trade
  Grew to Empire, and he sent his armies forth
      South and North
  Till the country from Peshawur to Ceylon
      Was his own.
 
 
  Thus the midday halt of Charnock – more’s the pity!
      Grew a City.
 
 
  As the fungus sprouts chaotic from its bed,
      So it spread —
  Chance-directed, chance-erected, laid and built
      On the silt —
  Palace, byre, hovel – poverty and pride —
      Side by side;
  And, above the packed and pestilential town,
      Death looked down.
 
 
  But the Rulers in that City by the Sea
      Turned to flee —
  Fled, with each returning spring-tide from its ills
      To the Hills.
 
 
  From the clammy fogs of morning, from the blaze
      Of old days,
  From the sickness of the noontide, from the heat,
      Beat retreat;
  For the country from Peshawur to Ceylon
      Was their own.
 
 
  But the Merchant risked the perils of the Plain
      For his gain.
 
 
  Now the resting-place of Charnock, ‘neath the palms,
      Asks an alms,
  And the burden of its lamentation is,
      Briefly, this:
  “Because for certain months, we boil and stew,
      So should you.
 
 
  “Cast the Viceroy and his Council, to perspire
      In our fire!”
   And for answer to the argument, in vain
      We explain
  That an amateur Saint Lawrence cannot fry:
      “All must fry!”
   That the Merchant risks the perils of the Plain
      For gain.
 
 
  Nor can Rulers rule a house that men grow rich in,
      From its kitchen.
 
 
  Let the Babu drop inflammatory hints
    In his prints;
  And mature – consistent soul – his plan for stealing
    To Darjeeling:
  Let the Merchant seek, who makes his silver pile,
      England’s isle;
  Let the City Charnock pitched on – evil day!
      Go Her way.
 
 
  Though the argosies of Asia at Her doors
      Heap their stores,
  Though Her enterprise and energy secure
      Income sure,
  Though “out-station orders punctually obeyed”
       Swell Her trade —
  Still, for rule, administration, and the rest,
      Simla’s best.
 
The End

VOLUME II BALLADS AND BARRACK-ROOM BALLADS

THE BALLAD OF EAST AND WEST

 
       Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet,
       Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God’s great Judgment Seat;
       But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
       When two strong men stand face to face,
         tho’ they come from the ends of the earth!
 

 
  Kamal is out with twenty men to raise the Border-side,
  And he has lifted the Colonel’s mare that is the Colonel’s pride:
  He has lifted her out of the stable-door between the dawn and the day,
  And turned the calkins upon her feet, and ridden her far away.
 
 
  Then up and spoke the Colonel’s son that led a troop of the Guides:
  “Is there never a man of all my men can say where Kamal hides?”
   Then up and spoke Mahommed Khan, the son of the Ressaldar:
  “If ye know the track of the morning-mist, ye know where his pickets are.
 
 
  “At dusk he harries the Abazai – at dawn he is into Bonair,
  But he must go by Fort Bukloh to his own place to fare,
  So if ye gallop to Fort Bukloh as fast as a bird can fly,
  By the favour of God ye may cut him off ere he win to the Tongue of Jagai.
 
 
  “But if he be past the Tongue of Jagai, right swiftly turn ye then,
  For the length and the breadth of that grisly plain is sown with Kamal’s men.
  There is rock to the left, and rock to the right, and low lean thorn between,
  And ye may hear a breech-bolt snick where never a man is seen.”
 
 
  The Colonel’s son has taken a horse, and a raw rough dun was he,
  With the mouth of a bell and the heart of Hell and the head of the gallows-tree.
 
 
  The Colonel’s son to the Fort has won, they bid him stay to eat —
  Who rides at the tail of a Border thief, he sits not long at his meat.
 
 
  He’s up and away from Fort Bukloh as fast as he can fly,
  Till he was aware of his father’s mare in the gut of the Tongue of Jagai,
  Till he was aware of his father’s mare with Kamal upon her back,
  And when he could spy the white of her eye, he made the pistol crack.
 
 
  He has fired once, he has fired twice, but the whistling ball went wide.
  “Ye shoot like a soldier,” Kamal said.  “Show now if ye can ride.”
 
 
  It’s up and over the Tongue of Jagai, as blown dustdevils go,
  The dun he fled like a stag of ten, but the mare like a barren doe.
 
 
  The dun he leaned against the bit and slugged his head above,
  But the red mare played with the snaffle-bars, as a maiden plays with a glove.
 
 
  There was rock to the left and rock to the right, and low lean thorn between,
  And thrice he heard a breech-bolt snick tho’ never a man was seen.
  They have ridden the low moon out of the sky, their hoofs drum up the dawn,
 
 
  The dun he went like a wounded bull, but the mare like a new-roused fawn.
  The dun he fell at a water-course – in a woful heap fell he,
  And Kamal has turned the red mare back, and pulled the rider free.
 
 
  He has knocked the pistol out of his hand – small room was there to strive,
  “‘Twas only by favour of mine,” quoth he, “ye rode so long alive:
  There was not a rock for twenty mile, there was not a clump of tree,
  But covered a man of my own men with his rifle cocked on his knee.
 
 
  “If I had raised my bridle-hand, as I have held it low,
  The little jackals that flee so fast were feasting all in a row:
  If I had bowed my head on my breast, as I have held it high,
  The kite that whistles above us now were gorged till she could not fly.”
   Lightly answered the Colonel’s son:  “Do good to bird and beast,
  But count who come for the broken meats before thou makest a feast.
 
 
  “If there should follow a thousand swords to carry my bones away,
  Belike the price of a jackal’s meal were more than a thief could pay.
 
 
  “They will feed their horse on the standing crop, their men on the garnered grain,
  The thatch of the byres will serve their fires when all the cattle are slain.
  “But if thou thinkest the price be fair, – thy brethren wait to sup,
  The hound is kin to the jackal-spawn, – howl, dog, and call them up!
  And if thou thinkest the price be high, in steer and gear and stack,
  Give me my father’s mare again, and I’ll fight my own way back!”
 
 
  Kamal has gripped him by the hand and set him upon his feet.
  “No talk shall be of dogs,” said he, “when wolf and gray wolf meet.
 
 
  “May I eat dirt if thou hast hurt of me in deed or breath;
  What dam of lances brought thee forth to jest at the dawn with Death?”
   Lightly answered the Colonel’s son:  “I hold by the blood of my clan:
  Take up the mare for my father’s gift – by God, she has carried a man!”
   The red mare ran to the Colonel’s son, and nuzzled against his breast;
  “We be two strong men,” said Kamal then, “but she loveth the younger best.
 
 
  “So she shall go with a lifter’s dower, my turquoise-studded rein,
  My broidered saddle and saddle-cloth, and silver stirrups twain.”
   The Colonel’s son a pistol drew and held it muzzle-end,
  “Ye have taken the one from a foe,” said he;
    “will ye take the mate from a friend?”
   “A gift for a gift,” said Kamal straight; “a limb for the risk of a limb.
 
 
  “Thy father has sent his son to me, I’ll send my son to him!”
   With that he whistled his only son, that dropped from a mountain-crest —
  He trod the ling like a buck in spring, and he looked like a lance in rest.
 
 
  “Now here is thy master,” Kamal said, “who leads a troop of the Guides,
  And thou must ride at his left side as shield on shoulder rides.
  Till Death or I cut loose the tie, at camp and board and bed,
  Thy life is his – thy fate it is to guard him with thy head.
 
 
  “So, thou must eat the White Queen’s meat, and all her foes are thine,
  And thou must harry thy father’s hold for the peace of the Border-line,
  And thou must make a trooper tough and hack thy way to power —
  Belike they will raise thee to Ressaldar when I am hanged in Peshawur.”
 
 
  They have looked each other between the eyes, and there they found no fault,
  They have taken the Oath of the Brother-in-Blood on leavened bread and salt:
  They have taken the Oath of the Brother-in-Blood on fire and fresh-cut sod,
  On the hilt and the haft of the Khyber knife, and the Wondrous Names of God.
 
 
  The Colonel’s son he rides the mare and Kamal’s boy the dun,
  And two have come back to Fort Bukloh where there went forth but one.
 
 
  And when they drew to the Quarter-Guard, full twenty swords flew clear —
  There was not a man but carried his feud with the blood of the mountaineer.
 
 
  “Ha’ done! ha’ done!” said the Colonel’s son.
    “Put up the steel at your sides!
  Last night ye had struck at a Border thief —
    tonight ‘tis a man of the Guides!”
 
 
       Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet,
       Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God’s great Judgment Seat;
       But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
       When two strong men stand face to face,
         tho’ they come from the ends of the earth!
 

THE LAST SUTTEE

 
  Not many years ago a King died in one of the Rajpoot States. His wives,
  disregarding the orders of the English against Suttee, would have broken
  out of the palace had not the gates been barred.
 
 
  But one of them, disguised as the King’s favourite dancing-girl, passed
  through the line of guards and reached the pyre.  There, her courage
  failing, she prayed her cousin, a baron of the court, to kill her.  This
  he did, not knowing who she was.
  Udai Chand lay sick to death
      In his hold by Gungra hill.
  All night we heard the death-gongs ring
  For the soul of the dying Rajpoot King,
  All night beat up from the women’s wing
      A cry that we could not still.
 
 
  All night the barons came and went,
      The lords of the outer guard:
  All night the cressets glimmered pale
  On Ulwar sabre and Tonk jezail,
  Mewar headstall and Marwar mail,
      That clinked in the palace yard.
 
 
  In the Golden room on the palace roof
      All night he fought for air:
  And there was sobbing behind the screen,
  Rustle and whisper of women unseen,
  And the hungry eyes of the Boondi Queen
      On the death she might not share.
 
 
  He passed at dawn – the death-fire leaped
      From ridge to river-head,
  From the Malwa plains to the Abu scars:
  And wail upon wail went up to the stars
  Behind the grim zenana-bars,
      When they knew that the King was dead.
 
 
  The dumb priest knelt to tie his mouth
      And robe him for the pyre.
  The Boondi Queen beneath us cried:
  “See, now, that we die as our mothers died
  In the bridal-bed by our master’s side!
      Out, women! – to the fire!”
 
 
  We drove the great gates home apace:
      White hands were on the sill:
  But ere the rush of the unseen feet
  Had reached the turn to the open street,
  The bars shot down, the guard-drum beat —
      We held the dovecot still.
 
 
  A face looked down in the gathering day,
      And laughing spoke from the wall:
  “Ohe’, they mourn here:  let me by —
  Azizun, the  Lucknow nautch-girl, I!
  When the house is rotten, the rats must fly,
      And I seek another thrall.
 
 
  “For I ruled the King as ne’er did Queen, —
      Tonight the Queens rule me!
  Guard them safely, but let me go,
  Or ever they pay the debt they owe
  In scourge and torture!”  She leaped below,
      And the grim guard watched her flee.
 
 
  They knew that the King had spent his soul
      On a North-bred dancing-girl:
  That he prayed to a flat-nosed Lucknow god,
  And kissed the ground where her feet had trod,
  And doomed to death at her drunken nod,
      And swore by her lightest curl.
 
 
  We bore the King to his fathers’ place,
      Where the tombs of the Sun-born stand:
  Where the gray apes swing, and the peacocks preen
  On fretted pillar and jewelled screen,
  And the wild boar couch in the house of the Queen
      On the drift of the desert sand.
 
 
  The herald read his titles forth,
      We set the logs aglow:
  “Friend of the English, free from fear,
  Baron of Luni to Jeysulmeer,
  Lord of the Desert of Bikaneer,
      King of the Jungle, – go!”
 
 
  All night the red flame stabbed the sky
      With wavering wind-tossed spears:
  And out of a shattered temple crept
  A woman who veiled her head and wept,
  And called on the King – but the great King slept,
      And turned not for her tears.
 
 
  Small thought had he to mark the strife —
      Cold fear with hot desire —
  When thrice she leaped from the leaping flame,
  And thrice she beat her breast for shame,
  And thrice like a wounded dove she came
      And moaned about the fire.
 
 
  One watched, a bow-shot from the blaze,
      The silent streets between,
  Who had stood by the King in sport and fray,
  To blade in ambush or boar at bay,
  And he was a baron old and gray,
      And kin to the Boondi Queen.
 
 
  He said: “O shameless, put aside
      The veil upon thy brow!
  Who held the King and all his land
  To the wanton will of a harlot’s hand!
  Will the white ash rise from the blistered brand?
      Stoop down, and call him now!”
 
 
  Then she:  “By the faith of my tarnished soul,
      All things I did not well,
  I had hoped to clear ere the fire died,
  And lay me down by my master’s side
  To rule in Heaven his only bride,
      While the others howl in Hell.
 
 
  “But I have felt the fire’s breath,
      And hard it is to die!
  Yet if I may pray a Rajpoot lord
  To sully the steel of a Thakur’s sword
  With base-born blood of a trade abhorred,” —
      And the Thakur answered, “Ay.”
 
 
  He drew and struck:  the straight blade drank
      The life beneath the breast.
 
 
  “I had looked for the Queen to face the flame,
  But the harlot dies for the Rajpoot dame —
  Sister of mine, pass, free from shame,
      Pass with thy King to rest!”
 
 
  The black log crashed above the white:
      The little flames and lean,
  Red as slaughter and blue as steel,
  That whistled and fluttered from head to heel,
  Leaped up anew, for they found their meal
      On the heart of – the Boondi Queen!
 
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