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Set a diary
Day 7.
Today is Thursday, January 5, 2069.
12: 37. Yesterday was such a busy day that I did not have the strength to make notes. I will briefly recount everything now:
That night, Ail woke me up and suggested that I take a little walk, but I sent him to get some sleeping pills.
Yesterday for breakfast we were given a stew of beans and chicken breast, pancakes with cottage cheese and cocoa, which I did not like, so I asked for tea.
In the morning, Ail's friends came to visit, and he walked with them until lunch. Sophie went to the main building to do her monthly report, and Diana stayed with me. I still don't understand how you can leave your child with a person who is being treated in a psychiatric department, but this is not about that.
After lunch, I took Diana for a walk around the hospital and gave her a quick tour of my temporary residence. She really liked the living area, where there is an aquarium, and an art area where you can draw on the walls. We spent more than an hour there, then returned to the department.
We met Ail, and he took the princess away from me to show her tricks with cards and flowers. Then Diana began to tell him her fairy tales and tall tales, so I was able to rest in peace for a quiet hour. They talked so casually, as if they were siblings, and they were very similar in appearance.
After a fruit snack (I took a nectarine), Ail suggested that Diana watch basketball practice. I couldn't leave this little girl alone with a 17-year-old plant lover any longer, so I went with them. There was no limit to Ayl's posturing, especially during the game, when he threw 7 goals in a row into the basket.
Then we went to dinner, which consisted of porridge with brown rice and vegetables, a salad of seaweed and seafood. I don't like seafood, so I ate porridge and drank kefir. After the meal, we saw Diana off and went to the ward, where I immediately fell asleep.
And even now I feel sleepy and tired, but my appetite surprises all the employees. I even had to ask for more at breakfast today, because I didn't eat a single serving of buckwheat soup.
Now it's time to go to group therapy, and Ail is out again, and I'm constantly being asked where he is and what he's doing, as if I'm his babysitter. Someone would be so worried about me.
19:52. For lunch, we were served borscht with beef, cauliflower puree, tomato salad and grape juice, I ate everything, and when I returned to the ward, I fell asleep again, skipping an afternoon snack, a walk and the first dinner. Now I'm going to go to practice. Ail has already left for basketball, and Diana is not as chatty as before, even a little bored.
Day 8.
Today is Friday, January 6, 2069.
16: 31. Sophie reminded me of the diary again, but I don't want to write anything down, just let me sleep. Diana came in at lunchtime and woke me up with a shout: "Onisan, wake up! Can you hear me?! Onisan! Oh, I'm awake, and where's Ail? " – after learning the answer to her question, she disappeared as quickly as she appeared. I haven't seen her since, but I think she met Ail. The main thing is that Sophie doesn't find out about it, otherwise a quiet day will turn into a nightmare, and I just want to sleep and fried potatoes.
01:17. On a walk I met my new friends. The princess showed me the bracelet and said it was a gift from Ayl as a token of loyalty. Now I dread to think what tales he told her. I hope this jolly fellow didn't introduce her to his nerd friends, or there'll be trouble.
I wanted to take a quiet walk and go back to the ward, but they dragged me into the city, where we wandered until 22: 21, when Sophie and the search team caught us. After that, I had to explain myself to the adults as the eldest of the violators of the social rules. As a result, Ail and I were forbidden to leave the hospital grounds, and Sophie promised to deal with Diana at home. I don't think she should be allowed to come and visit us again. How did I get into this situation in the first place? I hope there will be no problems in the Criminal Procedure Code because of this.
When I got back to the hospital, I went to bed, but I couldn't sleep. The nurses told me I couldn't take sleeping pills because they weren't compatible with an antidepressant. I was asked to watch a movie or read something. One of them gave me "One Hundred Years of Solitude", which I still haven't opened.
04: 31. Ail talks in his sleep.
Day 9.
Today is Saturday, January 7, 2069.
17:37. I've been up all night, and I've had a headache all day, and my appetite is gone, and so is Ail. The search team has already gone to find him, but his tracker on the chip does not send a signal. Apparently, Ail went to smell the flowers again to his friends in their garden. But all I care about right now is the headache.
I was put on glucose systems and given painkillers, but it doesn't help. An emergency brain scan was performed, but the results were satisfactory. The doctor said that I should stop taking antidepressants, assuming that a severe side reaction had started. But knowing the cause of my pain doesn't lessen it.
That's it, I can't write anymore.
03: 12. Ail came back through the window and went straight to bed without saying anything.
Day 10.
Today is Monday, January 9, 2069.
18:11. Yesterday there was a weigh-in, according to the results of which I lost a kilogram. The doctor suggested that this was due to sleepless nights and a hanged level of anxiety.
This week I will be selected for a new drug and its dose. Also the doctor said: "Perhaps the only antidepressants that will not cause you to have adverse reactions will be weak and useless. So now, Katsu, you should start to pay more attention to yourself and participate in social activities."
Right now I don't want to take part in any events, I just want peace and quiet. But this feeling of approaching danger causes the adrenal glands to release adrenaline, the heart to beat faster, to breathe faster. In this state, it is impossible to relax and even more so to fall asleep.
I don't remember what I ate, or if I ever went into the dining room. Although Sophie would definitely not let me starve, so I did eat.
Today, Ail didn't go anywhere and talked all the time about his ex-girlfriend, how they went secretly to autonomous factories, how they were sent to correctional labor several times (where they first met), how they made plans for the future.
About his ex, Ail said the following: "I knew immediately that she was a freak as soon as I saw her, all smeared with soot. She was red-haired, but I'm not talking about her hair, I'm talking about her character. Informal even among the same repulsed rebels and fun-loving people like me. The redhead was always on the same page with us, but she quickly retreated into herself, as if falling into a sleep mode.
And look, Katsu, it wasn't until 2 years after we started dating that she said she was keeping this diary of yours and let me read it, but I wish I hadn't, seriously. There were so many detailed plans for suicide, how many my mother was not called to school. In short, because of this, I decided to set her up with my "nerds", I thought that at least she would forget her thoughts. But in the end, you know how it ended.
But I keep wondering if she swallowed the bleach and foam herself. Maybe it was hidden, so as not to make a noise? What do you say, Katsu?" Maybe the system couldn't find a place for it, so it decided to quietly get rid of my Rose?
Did you know that this Exupery described his wife in The Little Prince in the Rose? Heh-heh, can I also write about my fairy tale, where we will be together? What do you think about it, Katsu? " – and this monologue lasted for 3 hours, until he realized that I did not care about his red rose.
I just stared at the wall and felt my body getting lighter and lighter, and then my vision started to darken. I felt like I was submerged in water, listening to the muffled sounds coming from far away, until I completely lost consciousness.
I opened my eyes an hour ago and saw Sophie's agitated face above me. She still treats me like a son, and it's comforting. So she won't leave me, like Mom and Dad did.
