Эмма Новак
Ночные строки
Guitar strings
Black and white keys
Flutes and violins
Deep voices
Like an ornament
Two angels are holding your hands
Their fluffy wings
You feel their touch
Gates of paradise
and the light is reflected in your big curious eyes
no more of your past long agonizing nights.
Is there better place than the earth you spent time on with us, my dear?
I hope you nod your head yes
Otherwise I don't see the point in this all
right now right here
If a girl with curly hair
That looks like she came down from the books pages
she loved so much
dies.
And a mug of milk
And cookies that you baked together.
Misted windows in the kitchen.
And the forest behind the yard
Where you walked
and sandy road
asphalt hid the traces of our children's feet.
All these years
imprinted in my memory
stuck in the chambers of my brain
like an immovable sculpture,
a monument.
and I keep it,
cherish it as a value,
as the treasure
like the dried leaves
of a long-gone autumn
I saved it in my box
underneath my bed
Those shining looks,
outstretched arms
wide smiles
Time can’t erase it
Listen to me now
I'm not a fool.
I'm not just something that exists on this earth
I feel
I live
I understand
I make wishes,
I dream and make plans
I work my fingers to the bone
I am learning everything while you sit on your throne,
while you spit poison on those
who love and protect others.
Maybe I don’t know something
But I know we are not your puppets,
I know that we are smart enough to choose.
My women are my sisters
I appreciate every inch of their bodies
Their short
long
colourful hair
I love women
because they are my sisters
with their scars
with their wounds
with their different skin
I love when women talk
because we have a lot to say
and we don't have to keep it inside
to be appreciated
because our dignity is our loud voices
I don't need your approval to write these lines
because there is nothing criminal about my words
there is nothing criminal in the fact that women are my sisters.
What did you feel seeing that girl with golden hair
With textbooks she held in her hands
The girl you saw the last time
last year
in the dark school hallways
The girl who came home
The girl who was writing long poetic metaphorical letters she saved in the box?
I'm driving to your house
In the midnight
In the haze
I'm carrying your things
I see your shadows
Underneath
The sheets of my diary
It saved your trace
Of your fingertips
You are my inspiration
You are my Starry night
I see out of my window
When the lights
Turned off
The snow remembers my knees
I fell down on
Crying over the phone
Do you still hear me begging you to stay
I don't really know all the reasons why
But I know that the seasons change
They take my memories of you away
They said we'd never talk again
All the cinematic movies we have seen
All the breath-taking books that we both read
The city's streets are keepers of
The words you have said
I blamed the northern wind
Cursed at the enigmatic
Luminous stars
They are the witness of that time
When you held me in your embossed arms
You were there for me
Said you'll be watching my back
Is there anything new down your way?
Even after six long years
There's nothing new to say
I just should tell myself
The seasons have already changed
Twenty four times
They took all of you with them
I should stop looking for your traces
The fingertips you left on my diaries
I should stop pretending the breath of the wind if your breath
The seasons changed
And erased you away
Every single time the autumn changes to winter
And winter opens its arms to the spring setting its three-month timer
I see the way the seasons change
And the little piece of you is fading away
Into the lavish, affluent, floral colourful summer
Can't tear out a single page from this book
No matter how hard I try
All the happy moments on the pictures now
They go to waste
Every little thing reminds me of you
What kind of things will replace it?
My salvation is your midnight lie
Because it feels like coming home
After a long absence
I love the way the sunlight reflects in the windows
The sky above the trees
The nights I see you in my dreams
Is the pain that you can ease
But pain comes back with renewed vigor.
The blowing wind is you breathing slowly
My life is the line you'll never cross
You crossed your heart
Opening the door
Going out of my room
Driving away from my house
Brewing a cap of tea
Breathing in
Looking out the window
As if looking in the mirror
At the reflection you had been trying to change
My standard of living is the book you'll never want to read
The most of lines of the love we made up
Once upon a time
Late at night
In the woods
In a small hut
We made on our own
But you said it wasn't your initiative
From the very begging
From wearing the necklace
From touching the hands
From meetings on the street
and waiting impatiently till the traffic lights say go
You said you never meant to hold the pen
You said I operate your hand
The joke is not on you
I am the one to blame
I absolutely understand.