Эмма Новак
Ночные строки
Эту короткую жизнь-гастроли
Я, может быть, очень плохая актриса
Как говорят одной пьесы,
Набившей оскомину роли.
И то, что в сценарии значилось драмой
переиграем как буффонаду, бурлеск.
А я обещаю после вернуться дождём или градом
Долгой дорогой в 10 парсек, как абсолютный звёздный блеск
И пусть зал будет весь поражен, очарован.
Я отыграю блестяще самый последний акт.
Прошу тебя, высеки после на камне лишь слово
"Антракт".
***
Тихие звуки нежного голоса
Словно русалочье пение
Бесконечные огненно-рыжие волосы
тревожат воображение.
Энергия, страсть – она актриса театральной сцены
Вязкая печаль – все, что внутри среди отрывков воспоминаний нетленных.
Ее слова закрадываются в сознание
хочешь ты того, или нет.
Можешь не сомневаться —
она оставит особенный привкус, не заснеженный след.
Ты растворишься в одном прикосновении изящных маленьких рук.
Но, всегда существует "но", так что слушай сюда, друг.
Не смей говорить с ней о погоде, делах, сплетнях чужих людей.
Она, поверь, не стоит твоих заунывных речей.
Рассмотри тот дрожащий огонь в ней, что трепещет как пламя свечей.
Ту живую, прозрачную душу, как весенний журчащий ручей
Once I was dreaming of snow falling down on the ground
So I fell asleep I imagined I’d wake up to the sound
Of your steps as if you’re coming around
I opened up the door and met your blue-eyed glance
I’ll give you dear the fighting chance
To be my greatest wish come true
I once realized you're not a snowball's chance in hell
Keep your arms wrapped around my waist
Kiss me to the fireworks bursting sound
All our high hopes will never let us down
we don’t have to think of troubles we faced
for the first here in the background
There's no place for crime
No place for evidence
On the icy street we walk around
I'm patiently waiting for you to grab my hand to dance
Christmas lights sparkle and glisten
The necklace is on my neck
My favourite red dress on me
I can’t wait to tell you
So you’ll answer me back
You're my wish come true
When all the bubbles of champagne make our heads spin
I hope you'll make a wish as soft snow is falling on your skin
Curly hair
I let you go
Once you’ve had it all
When we were right there praying on you
I tried to smile
But I only tried
Because nothing in this world ever makes you cured
Take your time
just realize
We wait for you to come every single day and night
Maybe you can be
Someone we can’t see
Please give us any sign because I can’t stand them say
that you’re not here
I still try
To fall asleep at night
I remember when we got
that nothing helps
neither songs or prayers
I don’t know
If you’re finally home
But if the shooting star is just your tears or scars
Just let me know there’s something wrong with you
I see your curly hair
almost everywhere
So every time I hope
it’ll be just you
We count the days
Even through the years
I promise you I’ll wait for you and I still do
I just want to touch your curly hair
and know that you're okay
just let me know you're okay
Crazy winner
I found myself tearing apart
The papers we wrote down our plans
I heard you said it's going to be okay
Someday
The truth is it was the day
when I started to pray
You've got me talking in my sleep
There's no one who could hear it
when I'm screaming out you name
I'm loser in this game
of sinners
You are the crazy winner
I was growing up as a girl
Who wears armors of steel
Never knew someday in this cruel world
I'll be needing that much
someone to heal
Me
Someone to hold onto
Someone to speak to
I’ll come back as someone else
Will you wait for me?
Would you notice me in the college yard?
Would you read my messages in the books
you take in the library
Read my words I’ve written between the lines
I promise you I'll let you know as soon as I am here
I will come back as someone else,
because I didn’t lie
Will you notice the petals of the apple tree
As they’re falling on the ground as soon as the trees choose yellow
and the evergreen trees put on white dress
They Keep Their Leaves in Winter
Go out on the lawn
behind the house
we shared for a while
And leave your footprints
Imagine you go back another year
When we were waiting for the inevitable ending
That was already coming
But we made plans
you made a snow angel
Do you remember?
Do you miss it?
Do you miss me?
I smile at you now
From above
Take a look at the sky
can you feel my brittle kiss on your cheek?
I'll come back as someone new
I'll be here as soon as you want me to
I won't haunt my little brother
I'll watch him as he falls asleep in his boyish room
I'll hug my mother
she never wanted her child to end up like this
I'll come to never sleeping dad
Giving him a kiss
And leave the cup of coffee underneath
You became cool as water in the lake
we dreamed of buying our own house nearby.
Because our concept of happiness was identical
But we were divided
never had a reason to judge or to say sorry
you erased everything with the one single touch or your warm hand
Everything that could connect you and me
it happened in an instant
as if we were in a particle accelerator.
And you could hardly see,
but I noticed
the sparkle in your eyes
It wasn’t because of laughter
but of hatred
of indifference
I couldn’t diminish it
but I loved you
and I don't care if you were wrong once
and we argued over trifles
After all
I’d rather to argue with you
than to find out what you have been thinking about for eight years in a row
Your old fashioned pictures
I watch you from a distance
As you're growing up
Learning new things
Getting better
and you may not even know about it
We were against everyone
They were against us
When we ruled our city
Looking at its lights
From the balcony,
from the rooftops,
from the hills
to be honest
I didn't tell you then
that you were brighter than all the lights
You were the brightest fire
Everyone thought it was a star
but it was you
raising your hands up
and exposing your face to the wind
blowing your jacket
I couldn't take my eyes off you and my most consuming fear was losing you.
Seeing this picture disappearing like a ghost
This is what I wanted to capture in my memory for forever
It won't disappear
It won't fade away with the changing seasons
With changing faces in the street
My mind is a red room
you were my safe place
my sedes confessionalis
and there are our moments
everywhere
They say I'll find a lot of friends
Someday might find even more
What if I'm wishing to see
you standing on my backyard
knocking at my front door?
What it I can't help
running to your street
To your house?
What if I wish to see you on my street?
Just to see your face I'm always looking for.
I could pretend and say
there's nothing about in my room
But every poem is about you
every note I play is representation of your face
Every chord is conception of your glance
My glorious moments are your work of art.
The melody you play is the sounds of my slowly breaking heart
By your hand
Promise me the thunder won't tear us apart
I let you hide
You are my brand new trend
I tried to find you and there was rain
when I finally found
I hated this kind of weather before
but now it's my favourite one
Because you held out your rainbow umbrella.
You said
There is no point in locking the barn door now that the horse has been stolen
I understood the more you try to fight something you can't stop
the more it resists
Finally
The single lightning flashed
lit up the sky with electrical discharge
the thunder rolled up
and the sky like a man who was brought back to life seemed to bleed
Is there still place for my clothes in your drawer?
They said you sold your furniture to the old man's store
Set on the corner
You bought a hand-me-down pickup truck and painted your door
the colours I hate
The most
So there's no chance it might be me you wait for to come in your room
Hoops and ropes.
Arena and clowns
Everyone has fun.
The room is filled with laughter and applause,
but only one child in the circus is sad
to the core
to the bone.
Because he knows that blood is spilled outside
Bruised dead bodies drown in brown waves
They’re choked with liquid,
trying to scream at the top of their lungs
but all these sounds are drowned in laughter
The kid knows this world is divided in two
he doesn't know how to fix it
He looks up at his parents
but they put their hands over his mouth
saying he is still too small to understand
The cruelty of the world
Too young to understand anything
but he knows everything
Now
You don't want anything
don't want to open your eyes
You don't want to close them.
You don't want to move
but don't want to lie down.
Don’t want to close the curtains
but you don't want to let in
a single ray of light
You don’t want to speak,
but you can’t keep quiet.
Don't want to meet anyone
But you are scared to be left out alone
you can't turn the pages
you can’t focus on the lines
you can’t live,
but you don't want to die.
All the sounds hurt your nerves,
but the silence cuts the veins.
All your friends say it will pass
Parents say “don't pretend”.
it's all nothing more than laziness
indolence
but my depression says
I need to stay in this safe place
So I stay
Today you rejoice
You make plans like building skyscrapers
you don't think of tomorrow,
but everything is changing
soon
You will climb to the top of this building
At midnight
and you’ll fall
You are unstable
You are polar
And I'm sorry
That you can’t handle
all your manias