Chambers Robert William
The Hidden Children
Yet, why might I not have expected accomplishments from such a pliant intelligence—from a young and flexible mind that had not lacked schooling, irregular as it was? Far by her own confession to me, her education had been obtained, while it lasted, in schools as good as any in the land, if, indeed, all were as excellent as Mrs. Pardee's Young Ladies' Seminary in Albany, or the school kept by the Misses Primrose.
And Major Parr, the senior officer present, must have a glass of wine with her all alone, and offer her his arm to the threshold, where Lana and Boyd were busily plaiting a wreath of green maple-leaves for her, which they presently placed around her chip-straw hat. And we all acclaimed her.
As for Major Parr, that campaign-battered veteran had out his tablets and was painfully copying the verses—he being no scholar—while Boyd read them aloud to us all again in most excellent taste, and Lois laughed and blushed, protesting that her modest effort was not worthy such consideration.
"Egad!" said Major Parr loudly. "I maintain that verses such as these are worth a veteran battalion to any army on earth! You are an aid, an honour, and an inspiration to your country, Miss de Contrecoeur, and I shall take care that His Excellency receives a copy of these same verses–"
"Oh, Major Parr!" she protested in dismay. "I should perish with shame if His Excellency were to be so beset by every sorry scribbler."
"A copy for His Excellency! Hurrah!" cried Captain Simpson. "Who volunteers?"
"I will make it," said I, with jealous authority.
"And I will aid you with quill, sand, and paper," said Lana. "Come with me, Euan."
Lois, who had at first smiled at me, now looked at us both, while the smile stiffened on her flushed face as Lana caught me by the hand and drew me toward the other room where the pine camp-table stood.
While I was writing in my clear and painstaking chirography, which I try not to take a too great pride in because of its fine shading and skillful flourishes, the guests of the afternoon were making their adieux and taking their departure, some afoot, others on horseback.
When I had finished my copy and had returned to the main room, nothing remained of the afternoon party save Boyd and Lana, whispering together by a window, and the black wench, Gusta, clearing away the debris of the afternoon.
Outside in the late sunshine, I could see Mrs. Bleecker and Mrs. Lansing strolling to and fro, arm in arm, but I looked around in vain for Lois.
"She is doubtless gone a-boating with her elegant senior Ensign," said Lana sweetly, from the window. "If you run fast you may kill him yet, Euan."
"I was looking for nobody," said I stiffly, and marched out, ridding them of my company—which I think was what they both desired.
Now, among other and importunate young fops, the senior Ensign and his frippery and his marked attention to Lois, and his mincing but unfeigned devotion to her, had irritated me to the very verge of madness.
Twice, to my proper knowledge, this fellow had had her in an Oneida canoe, and with a guitar at that; and, damn him, he sang with taste and discretion. Also, when not on duty, he was ever to be found lisping compliments into her ear, or, in cool possession of her arm, promenading her to flaunt her beauty—and his good fortune—before the entire fort. And I had had enough of it.
So when I learned that she was off again with him, such a rage and wretchedness possessed me that I knew not what to do. Common sense yelled in my ear that no man of that stripe could seriously impress her; but where is the understanding in a very young man so violently sick with love as was I? All men who approached her I instantly suspected and mentally damned—even honest old Simpson—aye, even Major Parr himself. And I wonder now I had not done something to invite court-martial. For my common sense had been abruptly and completely upset, and I was at that period in a truly unhappy and contemptible plight.
I could not seem to steer my footsteps clear of the river bank, nor deny myself the fierce and melancholy pleasure of gazing at their canoe from afar, so I finally walked in that direction, cursing my own weakness and meditating quarrels and fatal duels.
But when I arrived on the river bank, I could not discover her in any of the canoes that danced in the rosy ripples of the declining sun. So, mooning and miserable, I lagged along the bank toward my bush-hut; and presently, to my sudden surprise, discovered the very lady of whom I had been thinking so intently—not dogged as usual by that insufferable Ensign, but in earnest conversation with the Sagamore.
And, as I gazed at them outlined against the evening sky, I remembered what Betsy Hunt had said at Poundridge—how she had encountered them together on the hill which overlooked the Sound.
Long before I reached them or they had discovered me, the Sagamore turned and took his departure, with a dignified gesture of refusal; and Lois looked after him for a moment, her hand to her cheek, then turned and gazed straight into the smouldering West, where, stretching away under its million giant pines, the vast empire of the Long House lay, slowly darkening against the crimson sunset.
She did not notice me as I came toward her through the waving Indian grass, and even when I spoke her name she did not seem startled, but turned very deliberately, her eyes still reflecting the brooding thoughts that immersed her.
"What is it that you and this Mohican have still to say to each other?" I asked apprehensively.
The vague expression of her features changed; she answered with heightened colour:
"The Sagamore is my friend as well as yours. Is it strange that I should speak with him when it pleases me to do so?"
There was an indirectness in her gaze, as well as in her reply, that troubled me, but I said amiably:
"What has become of your mincing escort? Is he gone to secure a canoe?"
"He is on duty and gone to the fort."
"Where he belongs," I growled, "and not eternally at your heels."
She raised her eyes and looked at me curiously.
"Are you jealous?" she demanded, beginning to smile; then, suddenly the smile vanished and she shot at me a darker look, and stood considering me with lips slightly compressed, hostile and beautiful.
"As for that fop of an Ensign–" I began—but she took the word from my mouth:
"A fiddle-stick! It is I who have cause to complain of you, not you of me! You throw dust in my eyes by accusing where you should stand otherwise accused. And you know it!"
"I? Accused of what?"
"If you don't know, then I need not humiliate myself to inform you. But I think you do know, for you looked guilty enough–"
"Guilty of what?"
"Of what? I don't know what you may be guilty of. But you sat on the stairs with your simpering inamorata—and your courtship quarrels and your tender reconciliations were plain enough to—to sicken anybody–"
"Lois! That is no proper way to speak of–"
"It is your own affair—and hers! I ask your pardon—but she flaunted her intimacy with you so openly and indiscreetly–"
"There is no common sense in what you say!" I exclaimed angrily. "If I–"
"Was she not ever drowning her very soul in your sheep's eyes? And even not scrupling to shamelessly caress you in the face of all–"
"Caress me!"
"Did she not stand for ten full minutes with her hand upon your shoulder, and a-sighing and simpering–"
"That was no caress! It was full innocent and–"
"Is she so innocent? Indeed! I had scarcely thought it of her," she said disdainfully.
"She is a true, good girl, innocent of any evil intention whatsoever–"
"I pray you, Euan, spare me your excited rhapsodies. If you prefer this most bewitching—minx–"
"She is no minx!" I retorted hotly; and Lois as hotly faced me, pink to her ears with exasperation.
"You do favour her! You do! You do! Say what you will, you are ever listening for the flutter of her petticoats on the stairs, ever at her French heels, ever at moony gaze with her—and a scant inch betwixt your noses! So that you come not again to me vowing what you have vowed to me—I care not how you and she conduct–"
"I do prefer you!" I cried, furious to be so misconstrued. "I love only one, and that one is you!"
"Oh, Euan, yours is a most broad and catholic heart; and any pretty penitent can find her refuge there; and any petticoat can flutter it!"
"Yours can. Even your fluttering rags did that!"
She flushed: "Oh, if I were truly weak and silly enough to listen to you–"
"You never do. You give me no hope."
"I do give you hope! I am ever ladling it out to you as they ladle soupaan to the militia! I say to you continually that never have I so devotedly loved any man–"
"That is not love!" I said, furious.
"I do not pretend it to be that same boiling and sputtering sentiment which men call love–"
"Then if it be not true love, why do you care what I whisper to any woman?"
"I do not care," she said, biting the rose-leaf lower lip. "You may whisper any treason you please to any h-heartless woman who snares your f-fancy."
"You do not truly care?"
"I have said it. No, I do not care! Court whom you please! But if you do, my faith in man is dead, and that's flat!"
"What!"
"Certainly.... After your burning vows so lately made to me. But men have no shame. I know that much."
"But," said I, bewildered, "you say that you care nothing for my vows!"
"Did I say so?"
"Yes—you–"
"No, I did not say so!… I—I love your vows."
"How can you love my vows and not me?" I demanded angrily.
"I don't know I can do it, but I do.... But I will love them no longer if you make the selfsame vows to her."
"Now," said I, perplexed and exasperated, "what does it profit a man when a maid confesses that she loves to hear his vows, but loves not him who makes them?"
"For me to love even your vows," said she, looking at me sideways, "is something gained for you—or so it seems to me. And were I minded to play the coquette—as some do–"
"You play it every minute!"
"I? When, pray?"
"When I came to Croghan's this afternoon there were you the centre of 'em all; and one ass in boots and spurs to wave your fan for you—oh, la! And another of Franklin's, in his Wyandotte finery, to fetch and carry; and a dozen more young fools all ogling and sighing at your feet–"
Her lips parted in a quick, nervous laugh:
"Was that the way I seemed? Truly, Euan? Were you jealous? And I scarce heeding one o' them, but my eyes on the doorway, watching for you!"
"Oh, Lois! How can you say that to me–"
"Because it was so! Why did you not come to me at once? I was waiting!"
"There were so many—and you seemed so gay with them—so careless—not even glancing at me–"
"I saw you none the less. I never let you escape the range of my vision."
"I never dreamed you noticed me. And every time you smiled on one of them I grew the gloomier–"
"And what does my gaiety mean—save that the source of happiness lies rooted in you? What do other men count, only that in their admiration I read some recompense for you, who made me admirable. These gowns I wear are yours—these shoon and buckles and silken stockings—these bows of lace and furbelows—this little patch making my rose cheeks rosier—this frost of powder on my hair! All these I wear, Euan, so that man's delight in me may do you honour. All I am to please them—my gaiety, my small wit, which makes for them crude verses, my modesty, my decorum, my mind and person, which seem not unacceptable to a respectable society—all these are but dormant qualities that you have awakened and inspired–"
She broke off short, tears filling her eyes:
"Of what am I made, then, if my first and dearest and deepest thought be not for you? And such a man as this is jealous!"
I caught her hands, but she bent swiftly and laid her hot cheek for an instant against my hand which held them.
"If there is in me a Cinderella," she said unsteadily, "it is you who have discovered it—liberated it—and who have willed that it shall live. Did you suppose that it was in me to make those verses unless you told me that I could do it? You said, 'Try,' and instantly I dared try.... Is that not something to stir your pride? A girl as absolutely yours as that? And do not the lesser and commonplace emotions seem trivial in comparison—all the heats and passions and sentimental vapours—the sighs and vows and languishing all the inevitable trappings and masqueradings which bedizzen what men know as love—do they not all seem mean and petty compared to our deep, sweet knowledge of each other?"
"You are wonderful," I said humbly. "But love is no unreal, unworthy thing, either; no sham, no trite cut-and-dried convention, made silly by sighs and vapours.
"Oh, Euan, it is! I am so much more to you in my soul than if I merely loved you. You are so much more to me—the very well-spring of my desire and pride—my reason for pleasing, my happy consolation and my gratitude.... Seat yourself here on the pleasant, scented grasses and let me endeavour to explain it once and for all time. Will you?
"It is this," she continued, taking my hand between hers, when we were seated, and examining it very intently, as though the screed she recited were written there on my palm. "We are so marvelously matched in every measurement and feature, mental and bodily almost—and I am so truly becoming a vital part of you and you of me, that the miracle is too perfect, too lofty, too serenely complete to vex it with the lesser magic—the passions and the various petty vexations they entail.
"For I would become—to honour you—all that your pride would have me. I would please the world for your sake, conquer it both with mind and person. And you must endeavour to better yourself, day by day, nobly and with high aim, so that the source of my inspiration remain ever pure and fresh, and I attain to heights unthinkable save for your faith in me and mine in you."
She smiled at me, and I said:
"Aye; but to what end?"
"To what end, Euan? Why, for our spiritual and worldly profit."
"Yes, but I love you–"
"No, no! Not in that manner–"
"But it is so."
"No, it is not! We are to be above mere sentiment. Reason rules us."
"Are we not to wed?"
"Oh—as for that–" She thought for a while, closely considering my palm. "Yes—that might some day be a part of it.... When we have attained to every honour and consideration, and our thoughts and desires are purged and lifted to serene and lofty heights of contemplation. Then it would be natural for us to marry, I suppose."
"Meanwhile," said I, "youth flies; and I may not lay a finger on you to caress you."
"Not to caress me—as that woman did to you–"
"Lois!"
"I can not help it. There is in her—in all such women—a sly, smooth, sleek and graceful beast, ever seeming to invite or offer a caress–"
"She is sweet and womanly; a warm friend of many years."
"Oh! And am I not—womanly?"
"Are you, entirely?"
She looked at me troubled:
"How would you have me be more womanly?"
"Be less a comrade, more a sweetheart."
"Familiar?"
My heart was beating fast:
"Familiar to my arms. I love you."
"I—do not permit myself to desire your arms. Can I help saying so—if you ask me?"
"When I love you so–"
"No. Why are you, after all, like other men, when I once hoped–"
"Other men love. All men love. How can I be different–"
"You are more finely made. You comprehend higher thoughts. You can command your lesser passions."
"You say that very lightly, who have no need to command yours!"
"How do you know?" she said in a low voice.
"Because you have none to curb—else you could better understand the greater ones."
She sat with head lowered, playing with a blade of grass. After a while she looked up at me, a trifle confused.
"Until I knew you, I entertained but one living passion—to find my mother and hold her in my arms—and have of her all that I had ached for through many empty and loveless years. Since I have known you that desire has never changed. She is my living passion, and my need."
She bent her head again and sat playing with the scented grasses. Then, half to herself, she said:
"I think I am still loyal to her if I have placed you beside her in my heart. For I have not yet invested you with a passion less innocent than that which burns for her."
She lifted her head slowly, propping herself up on one arm, and looked intently at me.
"What do you know about me, that you say I am unwomanly and cold?" Her voice was low, but the words rang a little.
"Do not deceive yourself," she said. "I am fashioned for love as thoroughly as are you—for love sacred or profane. But who am I to dare put on my crown of womanhood? Let me first know myself—let me know what I am, and if I truly have even a right to the very name I wear. Let me see my own mother face to face—hold her first of all in my embrace—give my lips first to her, yield to her my first caresses.... Else," and her face paled, "I do not know what I might become—I do not know, I tell you—having been all my life deprived of intimacy—never having known familiar kindness or its lightest caress—and half dead sometimes of the need of it!"
She straightened up, clenching her hands, then smiled her breathless little smile.
"Think of it, Euan! For twenty years I have wanted her caresses—or such harmless kindness of somebody—almost of anybody! My foster-mother never kissed me, never put her arm about me—or even laid her hand lightly upon my shoulder—as did that girl do to you on the stairs.... I tell you, to see her do it went through me like a Shawanese arrow–"
She forced a mirthless smile, and clasped her fingers across her knee:
"So bitterly have I missed affection all my life," she added calmly. "…And now you come into my life! Why, Euan—and my sentiments were truly pure and blameless when you were there that night with me on the rock under the clustered stars—and I left for you a rose—and my heart with it!—so dear and welcome was your sudden presence that I could have let you fold me in your arms, and so fallen asleep beside you, I was that deathly weary of my solitude and ragged isolation."
She made a listless gesture:
"It is too late for us to yield to demonstration of your affection now, anyway—not until I find myself safe in the arms that bore me first. God knows how deeply it would affect me if you conquered me, or what I would do for very gratitude and happiness under the first close caress.... Stir not anything of that in me, Euan. Let me not even dream of it. It were not well for me—not well for me. For whether I love you as I do, or—otherwise and less purely—it would be all the same—and I should become—something—which I am not—wedded or otherwise—not my free self, but to my lesser self a slave, without ambition, pride—wavering in that fixed resolve which has brought me hither.... And I should live and die your lesser satellite, unhappy to the very end."
After a silence, I said heavily:
"Then you have not renounced your purpose?"
"No."
"You still desire to go to Catharines-town?"
"I must go."
"That was the burden of your conversation with the Sagamore but now?"
"Yes."
"He refused to aid you?"
"He refused."
"Why, then, are you not content to wait here—or at Albany?"
She sat for a long while with head lowered, then, looking up quietly:
"Another pair of moccasins was left outside my door last night."
"What! At Croghan's? Inside our line!" I exclaimed incredulously.
"Aye. But this time the message sewed within them differed from all the others. And on the shred of bark was written: 'Swift moccasins for little feet as swift. The long trail opens. Come!'"
"You think your mother wrote it?" I asked, astounded.
"Yes.... She wrote the others."
"Well?"
"This writing is the same."
"The same hand that wrote the other messages throughout the years?"
"The same."
"Have you told the Sagamore of this?"
"I told him but now—and for the first time."
"You told him everything?"
"Yes—concerning my first finding—and the messages that came every year with the moccasins."
"And did you show him the Indian writing also?"
"Yes."
"What did he say?"
"Nothing. But there flashed up suddenly in his eyes a reddish light that frightened me, and his face became so hideous and terrible that I could have cried out. But I contrived to maintain my composure, and I said: 'What do you make of it, O Sagamore?' And he spat out a word I did not clearly understand–"
"Amochol?"
"Yes—it sounded like that. What did he mean, Euan?"
"I will presently ask him," said I, thoroughly alarmed. "And in the meanwhile, you must now be persuaded to remain at this post. You are contented and happy here. When we march, you will go back to Schenectady or to Albany with the ladies of the garrison, and wait there some word of our fate.
"If we win through, I swear to you that if your mother be there in Catharines-town I will bring news of her, or, God willing, bring her herself to you."
I rose and aided her to stand; and her hands remained limply in mine.
"I had rather take you from her arms," I said in a low voice, "–if you ever deign to give yourself to me."
"That is sweetly said.... Such giving leaves the giver unashamed."
"Could you promise yourself to me?"
She stood with head averted, watching the last faint stain of color fade from the west.
"Would you have me at any cost, Euan?"
"Any cost."
"Suppose that when I find my mother—I find no name for myself—save hers?"
"You shall have mine then."
"Dear lad!… But—suppose, even then I do not love you—as men mean love."
"So that you love no other man, I should still want you."
"Am I then so vital to you?"
"Utterly."
"To how many other women have you spoken thus?" she asked gravely.
"To none."
"Truly?"
"Truly, Lois."
She said in a low voice:
"Other men have said it to me.... I have heard them swear it with tears in their eyes and calling God to witness. And I knew all the while that they were lying—perjuring their souls for the sake of a ragged, unripe jade, and a wild night's frolic.... Well—God made men.... I know myself, too.... To love you as you wish is to care less for you than I already do. I would not willingly.... Yet, I may try if you wish it.... So that is all the promise I dare make you. Come—take me home now—if you care to walk as far with me."
"And I who am asking you to walk through life with me?" I said, forcing a laugh.
We turned; she took my arm, and together we moved slowly back through the falling dusk.
And, as we approached her door, came a sudden and furious sound of galloping behind us, and we sprang to the side of the road as the express thundered by in a storm of dust and driving pebbles.
"News," she whispered. "Do they bring good news as fast as bad?"
"It may mean our marching orders," I said, dejected.
We had now arrived at Croghan's, and she was withdrawing her arm from mine, when the hollow sound of a conch-horn went echoing and booming through the dusk.
"It does mean your marching orders!" she exclaimed, startled.
"It most certainly means something," said I. "Good-night—I must run for the fort–"
"Are you going to–to leave me?"
"That horn is calling out Morgan's men–"
"Am I not to see you again?"
"Why, yes—I expect so—but if–"
"Oh! Is there an 'if'?' Euan, are you going away forever?"
"Dear maid, I don't know yet what has happened–"
"I do! You are going!… To your death, perhaps—for all I know–"
"Hush! And good-night–"
She held to my offered hand tightly:
"Don't go—don't go–"
"I will return and tell you if–"
"'If!' That means you will not return! I shall never see you again!"
I had flung one arm around her, and she stood with one hand clenched against her lips, looking blankly into my face.
"Good-bye," I said, and kissed her clenched hand so violently that it slipped sideways on her cheek, bruising her lips.
She gave a faint gasp and swayed where she stood, very white in the face.
"I have hurt you," I stammered; but my words were lost in a frightful uproar bursting from the fort; and:
"God!" she whispered, cowering against me, as the horrid howling swelled on the affrighted air.
"It is only the Oneidas' scalp-yell," said I. "They know the news. Their death-halloo means that the corps of guides is ordered out. Good-bye! You have means to support you now till I return. Wait for me; love me if it is in you to love such a man. Whatever the event, my devotion will not alter. I leave you in God's keeping, dear. Good-bye."
Her hand was still at her bruised lips; I bent forward; she moved it aside. But I kissed only her hand.
Then I turned and ran toward the fort; and in the torch-light at the gate encountered Boyd, who said to me gleefully:
"It's you and your corps of guides! The express is from Clinton. Hanierri remains; the Sagamore goes with you; but the regiment is not marching yet awhile. Lord help us! Listen to those beastly Oneidas in their paint! Did you ever hear such a wolf-pack howling! Well, Loskiel, a safe and pleasant scout to you." He offered his hand. "I'll be strolling back to Croghan's. Fare you safely!"
"And you," I said, not thinking, however, of him. But I thought of Lana, and wished to God that Boyd were with us on this midnight march, and Lana safe in Albany once more.
As I entered the fort, through the smoky flare of torches, I saw Dolly Glenn waiting there; and as I passed she gave a frightened exclamation.
"Did you wish to speak to me?" I asked.
"Is—is Lieutenant Boyd going with you?" she stammered.
"No, child."
She thanked me with a pitiful sort of smile, and shrank back into the darkness.
I remained but a few moments with Major Parr and Captain Simpson; a rifleman of my own company, Harry Kent, brought me my pack and rifle—merely sufficient ammunition and a few necessaries—for we were to travel lightly. Then Captain Simpson went away to inspect the Oneida scouts.
"I wish you well," said the Major quietly. "Guard the Mohican as you would the apple of your eye, and—God go with you, Euan Loskiel."
I saluted, turned squarely, and walked out across the parade to the postern. Here I saw Captain Simpson inspecting the four guides, one of whom, to me, seemed unnecessarily burdened with hunting shirt and blanket.
Running my eye along their file, where they stood in the uncertain torchlight, I saw at once that the guides selected by Major Parr were not all Oneidas. Two of them seemed to be; a third was a Stockbridge Indian; but the fourth—he with the hunting-shirt and double blanket, wore unfamiliar paint.
"What are you?" said I in the Oneida dialect, trying to gain a square look at him in the shifty light.
"Wyandotte," he said quietly.
"Hell!" said I, turning to Captain Simpson. "Who sends me a Wyandotte?"
"General Clinton," replied Simpson in surprise. "The Wyandotte came from Fortress Pitt. Colonel Broadhead, commanding our left wing, sent him, most highly recommending him for his knowledge of the Susquehanna and Tioga."
I took another hard look at the Wyandotte.
"You should travel lighter," said I. "Split that Niagara blanket and roll your hunting-shirt."
The savage looked at me a moment, then his sinewy arms flew up and he snatched the deerskin shirt from his naked body. The next instant his knife fairly leaped from its beaded sheath; there was a flash of steel, a ripping sound, and his blue and scarlet blanket lay divided. Half of it he flung to a rifleman, and the other half, with his shirt, he rolled and tied to his pack.
Such zeal and obedience pleased me, and I smiled and nodded to him. He showed his teeth at me, which I fancied was his mode of smiling. But it was somewhat hideous, as his nose had been broken, and the unpleasant dent in it made horridly conspicuous by a gash of blood-red paint.
I buckled my belt and pack and picked up my rifle. Captain Simpson shook hands with me. At the same moment, the rifleman sent to our bush-hut to summon the Mohican returned with him. And a finer sight I never saw; for the tall and magnificently formed Siwanois was in scarlet war-paint from crown to toe, oiled, shaven save for the lock, and crested with a single scarlet plume—and heaven knows where he got it, for it was not dyed, but natural.
His scarlet and white beaded sporran swung to his knees; his ankle moccasins were quilled and feathered in red and white; the Erie scalps hung from his girdle, hooped in red, and he bore only a light pack-slung, besides his rifle and short red blanket.
"Salute, O Sagamore! Roya-neh!" I said in a low voice, passing him.
He smiled, then his features became utterly blank, as one by one the eyes of the other Indians flashed on his for a moment, then shifted warily elsewhere.
I made a quick gesture, turned, and started, heading the file out into the darkness.
And as we advanced noiselessly and swung west into the Otsego road, I was aware of a shadow on my right—soft hands outstretched—a faint whisper as I kissed her tightening fingers. Then I ran on to head that painted file once more, and for a time continued to lead at hazard, blinded with tears.
And it was some minutes before I was conscious of the Mohican's hand upon my arm, guiding my uncertain feet through the star-shot dark.
