Beaumont Francis
The Little French Lawyer: A Comedy

Actus Quintus. Scena Prima

A Horrid noise of Musique within,

Enter one and opens the door, in which Lamira and

Anabel were shut, they in all fear.

Lam. O Cousin how I shake all this long night!
What frights and noises we have heard, still they encrease,
The villains put on shapes to torture us,
And to their Devils form such preparations
As if they were a hatching new dishonours,
And fatal ruine, past dull mans invention.
Goe not too far, and pray good Cousin Anabel,
Hark a new noise.                     [A strange Musick. Sackbut & Troop Musick.

Ana. They are exquisite in mischief,
I will goe on, this room gives no protection,
More than the next, what's that? how sad and hollow,
The sound comes to us.                     [Thieves peeping. Louder.

Lam. Groaning? or singing is it?

Ana. The wind I think, murmuring amongst old rooms.

Lam. Now it grows lowder, sure some sad presage
Of our foul loss—look now they peep.

Ana. Pox peep 'em.

Lam. O give them gentle language.

Ana. Give 'em rats-bane.                     [Peep above.

Lam. Now they are above.

Ana. I would they were i'th' Center.

Lam. Thou art so foolish desperate.

Ana. Since we must lose.

Lam. Call 'em brave fellows, Gentlemen.

Ana. Call 'em rogues,
Rogues as they are, rude rogues, uncivil villains.

Lam. Look an thou woo't beware, dost thou feel the danger?

Ana. Till the danger feel me, thus will I talk still,
And worse when that comes too; they cannot eat me.
This is a punishment, upon our own prides
Most justly laid; we must abuse brave Gentlemen,
Make 'em tame fools, and hobby-horses, laugh and jear at
Such men too, and so handsom and so Noble,
That howsoe're we seem'd to carry it—
Wou'd 'twere to do again.

Lam. I do confess cousin,
I was too harsh, too foolish.

Ana. Do you feel it?
Do you find it now? take heed o'th' punishment,
We might have had two gallant Gentlemen,
Proper, young, O how it tortures me!
Two Devils now, two rascals, two and twenty—

Lam. O think not so.

Ana. Nay an we 'scape so modestly—

Lam. May we be worthy any eyes, or knowledge,
When we are used thus?

Ana. Why not? why do you cry?
Are we not women still? what were we made for?

Lam. But thus, thus basely—

Ana. 'Tis against our [w]ills,
And if there come a thousand so,—

Lam. Out on thee.

Ana. You are a fool, what we cannot resist,
Why should we grieve and blush for? there be women,
And they that bear the name of excellent women
Would give their whole estates to meet this fortune.

Lam. Hark, a new noise.                     [New sound within.

Ana. Let 'em goe on, I fear not,
If wrangling, fighting and scratching cannot preserve me,
Why so be it Cousin; if I be ordain'd
To breed a race of rogues.—

Enter four over the stage with Beaupre, and Verdone, bound and halters about their necks.

Lam. They come.

Ana. Be firm,
They are welcom.

Lam. What mask of death is this? O my dear Brother.

Ana. My Couz too; why now y'are glorious villains.

Lam. O shall we lose our honours?

Ana. Let 'em goe,
When death prepares the way, they are but Pageants.
Why must these dye?

Beau. Lament your own misfortunes,
We perish happily before your ruins.

Ana. Has mischief ne'r a tongue?

1 Gent. Yes foolish woman,
Our Captains will is death.

Ana. You dare not do it.
Tell thy base boisterous Captain what I say,
Thy lawless Captain that he dares not;
Do you laugh you rogue? you pamper'd rogue?

Lam. Good Sir,
Good Cousin gently, as y'are a Gentleman,—

Ana. A Gentleman? a slave, a dog, the devils harbinger.

Lam. Sir as you had a Mother.

Ana. He a Mother?
Shame not the name of Mother, a she Bear
A bloody old wolf bitch, a woman Mother?
Looks that rude lump, as if he had a Mother?
Intreat him? hang him, do thy worst, thou dar'st not,
Thou dar'st not wrong their lives, thy Captain dares not,
They are persons of more price.

Ver. What e're we suffer
Let not your angers wrong you.

Ana. You cannot suffer,
The men that do this deed, must live i'th' moon
Free from the gripe of Justice.

Lam. Is it not better?

Ana. Is it not better? let 'em goe on like rascals
And put false faces on; they dare not do it;
Flatter such scabbs of nature?

Gent. Woman, woman
The next work is with you.

Ana. Unbind those Gentlemen,
And put their fatal fortunes on our necks.

Lam. As you have mercy do.

Ana. As you are monsters.

Lam. Fright us no more with shipwrack of our honours
Nor if there be a guilt by us committed
Let it endanger those.

Ana. I say they dare not,
There be a thousand gallouses, ye rogues,
Tortures, ye bloody rogues, wheels.

Gent. Away.

Lam. Stay.

Ana. Stay.
Stay and I'le flatter too: good sweet fac'd Gentlemen,
You excellent in honesty; O Kinsmen!
O Noble kinsmen!

Gent. Away with 'em. [Ex. Ver. Beaup. and Gent.

Ana. Stay yet.
The Devil and his lovely dam walk with you,
Come fortify your self, if they do dy,
Which all their ruggedness cannot rack into me,
They cannot find an hour more Innocent,
Nor more friends to revenge 'em.

Enter Cleremont, disguis'd.

Lam. Now stand constant,
For now our tryal's come.

Cler. This beautie's mine,
Your minute moves not yet.

Lam. She sinks if Christian,
If any spark of noble heat.—

Cler. Rise Lady
And fearless rise, there's no dishonour meant you,
Do you know my tongue?

Ana. I have heard it.

Cler. Mark it better,
I am one that loves you, fairly, nobly loves you,
Look on my face?

Ana. O Sir?

Cler. No more words, softly
Hark, but hark wisely how, understand well,
Suspect not, fear not.

Ana. You have brought me comfort.

Cler. If you think me worthy of your husband,
I am no rogue nor Begger, if you dare do thus—

Ana. You are Monsieur Cleremont.

Cler. I am the same,
If you dare venture, speak, if not I leave you,
And leave you to the mercy of these villains
That will not wooe ye much.

Ana. Save my reputation,
And free me from these slaves.

Cler. By this kiss I'le do it,
And from the least dishonour they dare aim at you,
I have a Priest too, shall be ready.

Ana. You are forward.

Lam. Is this my constant cousin? how she whispers,
Kisses and huggs the thief!

Ana. You'l offer nothing.

Cler. Till all be tyed,
Not as I am a Gentleman.

Ana. Can you relieve my Aunt too?

Cler. Not yet Mistris,
But fear nothing, all shall be well, away quickly
It must be done i'th' moment or—

Ana. I am with ye.

Cler. I'le know now who sleeps by me, keep your standing.
[Ex. Cler. and Anabel.

Lam. Well, go thy way, and thine own shame dwell with thee.
Is this the constancy she shew'd, the bravery?
The dear love and the life she ow'd her kinsmen?
O brave tongue, valiant glorious woman!
Is this the noble anger you arriv'd at?
Are these the thieves you scorn'd, the rogues you rail'd at?
The scabs and scums of nature? O fair modesty,
Excellent vertue, whither art thou fled?
What hand O Heaven is over us, when strong virgins
Yield to their fears, and to their fears their fortunes?
Never belief come near me more, farewel wench,
A long farewel from all that ever knew thee:
My turn is next,
I am resolv'd, it comes
But in a nobler shape, ha?

Enter Dinant.

Din. Blesse ye Lady.

Lam. Indeed Sir, I had need of many blessings,
For all the hours I have had since I came here,
Have been so many curses. How got you liberty?
For I presume you come to comfort me.

Din. To comfort you, and love you, 'tis most true,
My bondage was as yours, as full of bitterness
And every hour my death.

Lam. Heaven was your comfort.

Din. Till the last evening, sitting full of sadness,
Wailing, sweet Mistris, your unhappy fortunes,
(Mine own I had the least care of) round about me
The Captain and the company stood gaping,
When I began the story of my love
To you fair Saint, and with so full a sorrow,
Follow'd each point, that even from those rude eyes,
That never knew what pity meant or mercy,
There stole down soft relentings: take heed Mistris,
And let not such unholy hearts outdo you,
The soft plum'd god will see again; thus taken,
As men transform'd with the strange tale I told,
They stood amaz'd, then bid me rise and live,
Take liberty and means to see your person,
And wisht me prosperous in your love, wish you so,
Be wise and loving Lady, shew but you so.

Lam. O Sir, are these fit hours to talk of love in?
Shall we make fools of our afflictions?
Can any thing sound sweetly in mine ears,
Where all the noise of bloody horrour is?
My Brother, and my Cousin, they are dead Sir,
Dead, basely dead, is this an age to fool in?
And I my self, I know not what I shall be,
Yet I must thank you, and if happily
You had ask'd me yesterday, when these were living,
And my fears less, I might have hearkned to you.

Din. Peace to your grief, I bind you to your word.

Enter Cleremont, Anabel, Beaupre, Verdone, Charlote, Nurse, the two Gentlemen.

Lam. How? do you conjure?

Din. Not to raise dreadfull apparitions, Madam,
But such as you would gladly see.

Lam. My Brother, and nephew living?

Beau. And both owe their lives
To the favour of these Gentlemen.

Verd. Who deserve
Our service, and for us, your gracious thanks.

Lam. Which I give freely, and become a suitor,
To be hereafter more familiar                     [Kisse.
With such great worth and vertue.

1 Gent. Ever think us
Your servants, Madam.

Cler. Why if thou wilt needs know
How we are freed, I will discover it,
And with laconick brevity: these Gentlemen
This night incountring with those outlaws that
Yesterday made us prisoners, and as we were
Attempted by 'em they with greater courage,
(I am sure with better fortune) not alone,
Guarded themselves, but forc'd the bloody thieves,
Being got between them, and this hellish Cave,
For safety of their lives, to fly up higher
Into the woods, all left to their possession,
This sav'd your Brother, and your nephew from
The gibbet, this redeem'd me from my Chains,
And gave my friend his liberty, this preserv'd
Your honour ready to be lost.

Din. But that
I know this for a ly, and that the thieves
And gentlemen, are the same men, by my practice
Suborn'd to this, he does deliver it
With such a constant brow, that I am doubtfull,
I should believe him too.

1 Gent. If we did well,
We are rewarded.

2 Gent. Thanks but takes away
From what was freely purpos'd.

Cler. Now by this hand,
You have so cunningly discharg'd your parts,
That while we live, rest confident you shall
Command Dinant and Cleremont; nor Beaupre,
Nor Verdone scents it: for the Ladies, they
Were easie to be gull'd.

1 Gent. 'Twas but a jest,
And yet the jest may chance to break our necks
Should it be known.

Cler. Fear nothing.

Din. Cleremont,
Say, what success?

Cler. As thou wouldst wish, 'tis done Lad,
The grove will witness with me, that this night
I lay not like a block: but how speed you?

Din. I yet am in suspence, devise some means
To get these off, and speedily.

Cler. I have it,
Come, we are dull, I think that the good fellows,
Our predecessors in this place, were not
So foolish, and improvident husbands, but
'Twill yield us meat and wine.

1 Gent. Let's ransack it,
'Tis ours now by the Law.

Cler. How say you sweet one,
Have you an appetite?

Ana. To walk again
I'th' Woods, if you think fit, rather than eat.

Cler. A little respite prethee; nay blush not,
You ask but what's your own, and warrantable:

Monsieur, Beaupre, Verdone,
What think you of the motion?

Verd. Lead the way.

Beau. We follow willingly.                     [Ex. Man. Din. and Lam.

Cler. When you shall think fit,
We will expect you.

Din. Now be mistris of
Your promise Lady.

Lam. 'Twas to give you hearing.

Din. But that word hearing, did include a grant,
And you must make it good.

Lam. Must?

Din. Must and shall,
I will be fool'd no more, you had your tricks;
Made properties of me, and of my friend;
Presum'd upon your power, and whip'd me with
The rod of mine own dotage: do not flatter
Your self with hope, that any humane help
Can free you, and for aid by miracle
A base unthankfull woman is unworthy.

Lam. You will not force me?

Din. Rather than enjoy you
With your consent, because I will torment you;
I'le make you feel the effects of abus'd love,
And glory in your torture.

Lam. Brother, Nephew,
Help, help, for Heavens sake.

Din. Tear your throat, cry louder,
Though every leaf, these trees bear, were an Echo,
And summon'd in your best friends to redeem you,
It should be fruitless: 'tis not that I love you,
Or value those delights you prize so high,
That I'le enjoy you, a French crown will buy
More sport, and a companion, to whom,
You in your best trim are an Ethiop.

Lam. Forbear me then.

Din. Not so, I'le do't in spite,
And break that stubborn disobedient will,
That hath so long held out, that boasted honour
I will make equal with a common Whores;
The spring of Chastity, that fed your pride,
And grew into a River of vain glory,
I will defile with mudd, the mudd of lust,
And make it loathsome even to goats.

Lam. O Heaven!
No pity Sir?

Din. You taught me to be cruel,
And dare you think of mercy? I'le tell thee fool,
Those that surpriz'd thee, were my instruments,
I can plot too good Madam, you shall find it:
And in the stead of licking of my fingers,
Kneeling and whining like a boy new breech'd,
To get a toy forsooth, not worth an apple,
Thus make my way, and with Authority
Command what I would have.

Lam. I am lost for ever:
Good Sir, I do confess my fault, my gross fault,
And yield my self up, miserable guilty;
Thus kneeling I confess, you cannot study
Sufficient punishments to load me with;
I am in your power, and I confess again,
You cannot be too cruel: if there be,
Besides the loss of my long guarded honour,
Any thing else to make the ballance even,
Pray put it in, all hopes, all helpes have left me;
I am girt round with sorrow, hell's about me,
And ravishment the least that I can look for,
Do what you please.

Din. Indeed I will do nothing,
Nor touch nor hurt you Lady, nor had ever
Such a lewd purpose.

Lam. Can there be such goodness,
And in a man so injur'd?

Din. Be confirm'd in't.
I seal it thus: I must confess you vex'd me,
In fooling me so often, and those fears
You threw upon me call'd for a requital,
Which now I have return'd, all unchast love

Dinant thus throws away; live to man-kind,
As you have done to me, and I will honour
Your vertue, and no more think of your beauty.

Lam. All I possess, comes short of satisfaction.

Din. No complements: the terrours of this night
Imagine but a fearfull dream, and so
With ease forget it: for Dinant, that labour'd
To blast your honour, is a Champion for it,
And will protect and guard it.

Lam. 'Tis as safe then,
As if a compleat Army undertook it.                     [Exeunt.

Enter La-writ, Sampson, Clyents.

La-writ. Do not perswade me gentle Monsieur Sampson,
I am a mortal man again, a Lawyer,
My martiall part I have put off.

Sam. Sweet Monsieur,
Let but our honours teach us.

La-writ. Monsieur Sampson,
My honourable friend, my valiant friend,
Be but so beaten, forward my brave Clients,
I am yours, and you are mine again, be but so thrasht,
Receive that Castigation with a cudgel.

Sam. Which calls upon us for a Reparation.

La-writ. I have, it cost me half a crown, I bear it
All over me, I bear it Monsieur Sampson;
The oyls, and the old woman that repairs to me,
To 'noint my beaten body.

Sam. It concerns you,
You have been swing'd.

La-writ. Let it concern thee too;
Goe and be beaten, speak scurvy words, as I did,
Speak to that Lion Lord, waken his anger,
And have a hundred Bastinado's, doe;
Three broken pates, thy teeth knockt out, do Sampson,
Thy valiant arms and leggs beaten to Poultesses,
Do silly Sampson, do.

1 Cly. You wrong the Gentleman,
To put him out of his right mind thus:
You wrong us, and our Causes.

La-writ. Down with him Gentlemen,
Turn him, and beat him, if he break our peace,
Then when thou hast been Lam'd, thy small guts perisht,
Then talk to me, before I scorn thy counsel,
Feel what I feel, and let my Lord repair thee.

Sam. And can the brave La-writ—

2 Cly. Tempt him no further,
Be warn'd and say no more.

La-writ. If thou doest, Sampson,
Thou seest my Mirmidons, I'le let 'em loose,
That in a moment—

Sam. I say nothing, Sir, but I could wish—

La-writ. They shall destroy thee wishing;
There's ne'r a man of these, but have lost ten causes,
Dearer then ten mens lives; tempt, and thou diest:
Goe home, and smile upon my Lord, thine Uncle,
Take Mony of the men thou mean'st to Cousin,
Drink Wine, and eat good meat, and live discreetly,
Talk little, 'tis an antidote against a beating;
Keep thy hand from thy sword, and from thy Laundress placket,
And thou wilt live long.

1 Cly. Give ear, and be instructed.

La-writ. I find I am wiser than a Justice of Peace now,
Give me the wisdom that's beaten into a man
That sticks still by him: art thou a new man?

Sam. Yes, yes,
Thy learned precepts have inchanted me.

La-writ. Goe my son Sampson, I have now begot thee,
I'le send thee causes; speak to thy Lord, and live,
And lay my share by, goe and live in peace,
Put on new suits, and shew fit for thy place;
That man neglects his living, is an Asse: [Exit Samp.
Farewel; come chearily boyes, about our business,
Now welcom tongue again, hang Swords.

1 Cly. Sweet Advocate. [Exeunt.

Enter Nurse, and Charlote.

Nur. I know not wench, they may call 'em what they will,
Outlawes, or thieves, but I am sure, to me
One was an honest man, he us'd me well,
What I did, 'tis no matter, he complain'd not.

Char. I must confess, there was one bold with me too,
Some coy thing would say rude, but 'tis no matter,
I was to pay a Waiting womans ransom,
And I have don't, and I would pay't again,
Were I ta'n to morrow.

Nur. Alas, there was no hurt,
If 't be a sin for such as live at hard meat,
And keep a long Lent, in the woods as they do,
To taste a little flesh.

Char. God help the Courtiers,
That lye at rack and manger.

Nur. I shall love
A thief the better for this while I live,
They are men of a charitable vocation,
And give where there is need, and with discretion,
And put a good speed penny in my purse,
That has been empty twenty years.

Char. Peace Nurse,
Farewel, and cry not rost meat, me thinks Cleremont
And my Lady Anabel are in one night,
Familiarly acquainted.

Nur. I observe it,
If she have got a penny too.

Enter Vertaign, Champernel, and Provost.

Charl. No more,
My Lord Monsieur Vertaigne, the provost too,
Haste and acquaint my Lady. [Ex. Nur. and Char.

Pro. Wonderous strange.

Vert. 'Tis true Sir, on my credit.

Cham. O mine honour.

Pro. I have been provost-Marshal twenty years,
And have trussed up a thousand of these rascals,
But so near Paris yet I never met with
One of that Brotherhood.

Cham. We to our cost have,
But will you search the wood?

Pro. It is beset,
They cannot scape us, nothing makes me wonder,
So much as having you within their power
They let you goe; it was a Courtesy,
That French thieves use not often, I much pity
The Gentle Ladies, yet I know not how,
I rather hope than fear.

Enter Dinant, Cleremont, Verdone, Beaupre, Lamira, Anabel, Charlote, Nurse.

Are these the prisoners?

Din. We were such.

Verd. Kill me not, excess of joy.

Cham. I see thou livest, but hast thou had no foul play?

Lam. No on my soul, my usage hath been noble,
Far from all violence.

Cham. How were you freed?
But kiss me first, we'l talk of that at leasure,
I am glad I have thee; Niece how you keep off,
As you knew me not?

Ana. Sir, I am where
I owe most duty.

Cler. 'Tis indeed most true Sir,
The man that should have been your bedfellow
Your Lordships bedfellow, that could not smell out
A Virgin of sixteen, that was your fool,
To make you merry, this poor simple fellow
Has met the maid again, and now she knows
He is a man.

Cham. How! is she dishonoured?

Cler. Not unless marriage be dishonourable,
Heaven is a witness of our happy contract,
And the next Priest we meet shall warrant it
To all the world: I lay with her in jeast,
'Tis turn'd to earnest now.

Cham. Is this true, Niece?

Din. Her blushing silence grants it; nay Sir storm not,
He is my friend, and I can make this good,
His birth and fortunes equal hers, your Lordship
Might have sought out a worse, we are all friends too,
All differences end thus. Now Sir, unless
You would raise new dissentions, make perfect
What is so well begun.

Vert. That were not manly.

Lam. Let me perswade you.

Cham. Well God give you joy,
She shall not come a Begger to you Sir.
For you Monsieur Dinant 'ere long I'le shew you
Another Niece, to this not much inferiour,
As you shall like proceed.

Din. I thank you Sir.

Cham. Back then to Paris: well that travel ends
That makes of deadly enemies perfect friends.